


Who Am I Without You

by OffTopiCAuthor



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex Danvers & Lena Luthor Friendship, Crisis on Infinite Earths Crossover Event (CW DC TV Universe), Emotional Roller Coaster, Endgame, Endgame Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Idiots in Love, Kara Danvers - Freeform, Kara Danvers Loves Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor in Love, Kara loses her memory, Lena Luthor - Freeform, Lena Luthor Loves Kara Danvers, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, M/M, Multi, Other, Protective Alex Danvers, Protective Kara Danvers, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, SuperCorp, Supercorp endgame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:02:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 44,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21571234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OffTopiCAuthor/pseuds/OffTopiCAuthor
Summary: After being trapped in a block of ice for hours, Kara passes out from kryptonite exposure and is rescued by Brainy and J’onn...but she’s different. Very different.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 57
Kudos: 624





	1. Even In The Eyes Of Another, I Still See You

**Author's Note:**

> So full disclosure, I have a terrible history of not finishing fics, ENJOY ;).

Breath still heavy, tears still fresh, chest still tortured by a heavy weight pressing up against it, shattering a fragile organ into millions of pieces over and over and over again. Trapped, once again, in a void of nothingness. The only thing that could surely end her life was eating at her skin, making it harder and harder to breathe. The small space only making things worse, making the thoughts go on endlessly. A tragic mistake, the worse mistake of her entire life. Kara was in a state of something that was far from any ordinary anger or guilt or pain. This feeling was never known, nor explored, during her time here on earth. It was different. It was able to take away the pain that she’d been experiencing from the kryptonite exposure. It helped her ignore the fact that she’d been, not only having a panic attack from her noticeable claustrophobia, but also having a mental break down.

Her mind was running wild, guilt consuming her so, wondering why she did it, and what she’d do differently if she did follow through with the only solution to get Lena back, going through time. The end result was still the same, for she could see no happy endings after watching her best friend, someone who she cared for so deeply, just walk away like that. There was surely no one else to blame, because it was Kara who, without any remorse, slaughtered their beautiful friendship with her bare hands. Blood still fresh on her face and fingers and she had made no effort at all to wipe it off. It was traumatizing, losing another loved one like that. Eyes closed and all, constantly replaying the _I’m not a villain, you shouldn’t have treated me like one_ and the _I killed my brother for you_ over again.

In some moments, thinking of the pain that she’s caused and trying to ignore her own feelings, Kara would forget to breathe and it only made things worse. Her cries were silent, but the tears were streaming, and the breath was the only thing that you could hear. All of the things that Kara wanted to say would’ve never been said correctly if it were up to her. For some reason she found herself always being misunderstood, especially when it came to emotions. So her solution?

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Yelling at the top of her lungs, hands squeezed tightly into a fist and if she were human her hands would surely be bleeding. “AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Tighter, she squeezed and louder she screamed, sure to become horsed if that were a thing for Krytonians. Kara channeled everything into anger because she believed that she did not deserve to grieve and mourn the loss of her best friend who was so good to her. She believed that Lena hadn’t deserved the tears of a liar or any forms of guilt or shame from someone who was so selfish. Any emotions that felt in anyway similar to regret, Lena didn’t deserve that from Kara because in their situation it was Kara who should be villainized because she was in fact the villain.

A villain who, every single day, hurt their victim, crushing her heart in ways that a heart mustn’t be crushed. Draining every drop of distrust that Lena withheld, something that only a proper manipulator can do, in such selfish ways and it was devastating. Devastating to a point where Kara wished she could go back in time and change everything. To ensure that her greatest fear, losing the one person that she loves more than anything, had not turned into a reality.

The angry blonde slammed her eyes shut and pushed out the last of the tears that she didn’t deserve to shed, opening them again only to orchestrate a failed attempt at using her x-ray vision to burst through the thick ice. While suffering through agony, the kryptonite exposure was able to get to her faster. The boiling blood becoming ten times hotter in the act of feeling weaker than before. She’d taken her last breath, fainting, and to no surprise falling on the hard ice at her worse was far less painful than losing one of the few things that mattered to her the most.

** ———**

The next day, Alex and Brainy were early to the DEO, called in by J’onn who distantly conversated with a familiar looking man. Alex wondered, and the with every step came to an unbearable realization. Her jaw muscles tightened as she got closer to the island in the lobby of the DEO, placing her hand on the pistol in preparation, and when he turned to her she didn’t hesitate a bit to snatch out the gun and aim it.

“Alex wait,” J’onn held out his hands, ordering the women to stop.

“What the hell is he doing here?!” The red haired woman snapped, challenged by the annoying smug look on Malefic’s face. He knew her face all to well to not revel in her anger.

“Put down the gun and let me explain,” J’onn commanded, his hands still out, signaling for Alex to stop.

“Not a chance in hell,” she shook her head.

J’onn sighed, he knew that it was useless. Alex was always, since they’d met even as a child, stubborn as hell. The man sighed, letting his arms drop to his side as he stepped completely in front of Malefic. No one knew about the bond that they’d had because apparently J’onn doesn’t know how to send a text. Or maybe he just wanted everyone to figure it out in person?

“Malefic and I have bonded,” J’onn says, his deep voice over flowing with mild confidence. “I have allowed him to look into my mind and witness my truth after finding out that Ms. Luthor didn’t correctly calibrate the phantom projector,”

Alex’s ‘ _stand down_ ’ was a lot less subtle than she wanted it to be, her gun now back in the waist band of her suit. She’d been avoiding J’onn eyes, focusing more on the brown eyes that stood behind him. It was understandable, the wall that she put up after Malefic possessed Kelly, which was why J’onn was sure he wanted to tell her in person. However, he did regret bringing Mal here instead of waiting for Alex’s consent which he made a priority to apologize for later.

“What do you mean she didn’t correctly calibrate the phantom projector,” was Alex’s response, a failed attempt to hide her annoyance with Mal’s presence.

“Technically she did, but instead of sending Mal to the phantom zone, she sent him to L-Corp’s lab and kept him as a prisoner. Why? I have no idea,” he shrugged, “but if anyone is going to get the truth it’ll be Kara,”

J’onn wasn’t as right about that statement as he thought, or hoped for that matter, because Kara and Lena definitely weren’t on speaking terms. Kara would probably be more devastated when she found out about this, if that were even possible. If everyone knew about the pain that Kara is enduring, they’d be careful about figuring Lena out. So careful to a point where they’d keep the investigation a secret.

Alex nodded in agreement as she realized that Kara and Lena were probably together right now. She was sure that Lena’s intentions were pure, only because she knew that Kara would believe it too. And Alex definitely wanted that for her sister who just so happened to be such a great judge of character. She started to remember all of the times where Kara had defended Lena for good reason, only for Lena to prove how right Kara was about her. She almost began to regret not trusting Kara’s views so quickly, but then she realized that they could possibly be back at square one. Why did Lena have Malefic in L-Corp’s lab in the first place? Wuestion of the day.

“Okay then,” the red haired women huffed, “I’ll call her immediately,”

With one last glare into Mal’s eyes, Alex walked off, Brainy following slightly behind her with a tablet in his hand which he focused on with intensity.

“Director Danvers?” The shorter man called. “I’ve furthered my research on Leviathan and found some rather alarming results,” Alex looked over her shoulder, and then foward again, ensuring that she’d been listening and wanted him to go on. “It seems the place they’ve resided in is not just ancient but powerful with both the use of mastered technology and magic. According to former DEO files, this kind of magic is dangerous to all man kind, including Rama Khan himself,”

“That’s what that was? A maze?” Alex questioned as the two agents approached the stairs that they’d began to ascend.

“It seems so,” Brainy replied, “there’s more to the cave than what was let on. Passwords, secret entrances, traps even, and someone was definitely there. Leviathan must consist of more than one person because it would be remotely impossible for one to get in and out without someone working on the inside. We took all of the right twists and turns, but somehow we were guided right out of the tunnel,”

The red head nodded, staring down at each step that she’d climbed with deep thought. It would have only made sense for Leviathan to be a group of people, an organization prehaps? The knowledge of those capabilities were rather pleasing because now Alex and Brainy knew that they were far too unprepared with just the two of them breaking into such fantasy world where they both could’ve just died.

“Which means that they have some sort of data base. Can you hack into it?” She questioned.

“I’m afraid not,” the response was quick as the two agents reached the second floor of the DEO, making a turn before heading down the hall, Alex rubbing against the railing with her hand. “Everything has been blocked off. I don’t even see where their computers gain their signals from, but if I can figure that out then I can in fact get into the data base. I’ll check the satellites and service towers to see if there’s any connection to the Leviathan Headquarters,”

“Okay,” Alex placed her index finger on the com, “Supergirl?” She called into the earpiece, but there was no reply. “Supergirl, do you copy?” Again, there was no reply. “Supergirl,” The red head refused to worry of course, only waiting patiently now for a response because she knew that Kara could hear her, “do you copy?”

In that moment, Brainy had finally looked up from the tablet and into Alex’s eyes that seemed to have a sudden familiar concern in them. An eyebrow quirked, and he too refused to worry about Kara. Though, neither of their attempts were successful. Almost immediately, Brainy stopped everything he’d been doing on the tablet to use Supergirl’s tracking device in order to locate her.

“She must still be at the Fortress,” his voice was low, “I can’t locate her,”

“Supergirl?!” Her voice was louder this time, shadowed by annoyance and concern. “You have to go get her, take J’onn with you,”

Brainy nodded, and with that, he’d rushed out of the room and back down the stairs and into the lobby. Alex, however, was rather a bit curious as to why Kara hadn’t warned her that something was happening because normally that’s what she’d do. Which meant that something was definitely wrong. She began to wonder at this point if it were a good idea to not give Lena com as she pulled out her phone to dial the woman’s number.

While the phone rang in Alex’s ear, she remebered that the Fortstress wasn’t earth which meant that Lena wouldn’t be able to recive calls-

“ _Alex_?”

But she answered?

“Where’s Supergirl?”

“ _I haven’t seen her since last night, is everything okay?_ ”

“No,” Alex sighed, “she isn’t answering her com or the signal,”

Lena was in her office during the time, her heart skipping a beat. Supergirl was fine, she should be fine. She could’ve broken out of that ice any moment now, she was fine...but if she weren’t it would Lena’s fault. Lena Luthor would be jailed for killing National City’s hero. And of all the things that she’d be blamed for, that was the only would that would actually be true. But Supergirl is fine.

“ _Does she not have a built in tracking device?_ ”

Alex nodded, “she does but she isn’t on the radar which means she’s still at the fortress. Is there any reason that she’d go back? Do you know?”

Go back?

“ _She never left,_ ”

“What? Then how did you-“

** ——— **

The call was over, and Lena had tossed her phone on the desk as she stood up from the chair and marched over to the coffee table where she’d lifted Lex’s watch. Her heart was racing, even faster when there had been a knock at her door, opening after the quick sound. Lena raised herself up, slowly putting the watch on her wrist as she’d pretended not to be utterly bothered by the unwanted presence.

“I’m late for a meeting,” her sultry voice followed the sound of Andrea’s approaching heel clicks, “so if you don’t mind-“

“I need your help,”

“No,” Lena replied, looking up into the desperate eyes.

“Please-“

“No,” Andrea shuttered at the response, the tears in her eyes making their way onto her cheeks. “The only reason that I helped you in the first place was to retrieve the medallion and now that I have it, I have absolutely no interest in you. So the act? You can drop it, because I’m not helping you ever again,”

“But Lena-“

“Get out of my office,”

“Russell is dead!” Lena cocked a brow at the sudden raise in Andrea’s voice, watching closely as the woman who practically shattered before her. “After everything that I went through to get to him, they still managed to get to him and now he’s gone,”

The green eyed woman folded her arms, “that sounds like a personal problem,”

“Lena?” Andrea exhaled heavily, taking a step closer to the distant woman. Lena stared silently which gave Andrea an open door to speak. “Russell is the love of my life and now he’s gone, I have to avenge him but the only way to do that is with the help of a friend,”

The brunette scoffed, the annoyed look on her face becoming a smile. She’d reveled in the sight of Andrea’s pain for some reason, finding it rather joyful to know that someone who’s betrayed her was begging her once again for a favor that involved helping a loved one. Andrea never went to these lengths for Lena, so why should Lena dare help her go to lengths for someone else?

“We used to be inseparable, and now you just look at me with such hate in your eyes-“

“You betrayed me, knowing everything that I’ve been through...broke my heart,” Lena shrugged, opening up the watch, “how could I not look at you this way?” Andrea seemed to not be able to accept the fact that Lena wasn’t going to help her this time around, no matter what was said and how it was said. Lena pressed the watch, instantly opening the portal. “You can show yourself out,”

Lena stepped through the portal, not regretting any of the harsh words that she’d said knowing that they were less than what was actually on her mind but she would’ve never given Andrea the satisfaction of actually revealing how she really felt. How far that betrayal went, far beyond a friend who betrayed another but an almost lover who took something that seemed to have been the most prized possession of a dead mother. There was no remorse in constantly watching and reveling in Andrea’s agony for there had been no more tears left to cry.

In no time at all, Lena had arrived at the fortress. The speed of her beating heart was picking up again, quickly making her way towards where she and Kara had last been. A beat skipped at the sight of it, her eyes widening as she let out a heavy breath.

“No, no, no, no, no,” the brunette ran towards the block of ice, staring at a collapsed Supergirl whose veins still displayed the affect of the krytonite exposure. Lena reached into the pocket of her trench coat and grabbed the button which she pressed, instantly turning off the Fortress’s defenses. “Kara?” The woman gasped.

She fell to her knees, pulling her straight hair behind her ears before placing her right hand on Kara’s abdomen. Her eyes watered as her mind ran through every possible solution and problem that this would lead to. Alex would hate her, but not as much as she’d hate herself. 

“Kara,” the soft and shaky voice echoed, “please get up. You’re-you’re Supergirl, you can’t-“ she gasped, lifting the hero’s head from the ground and onto her lap, “you can’t leave like this. You still have a long happy life to live-people still need to be saved-just-get up please-“

Blue eyes shot open, followed by a gasp and a reflex that result in grabbing tightly onto Lena’s wrist that connected to the hand resting on Kara’s face. Lena may have been relieved, but she was very much so distracted by the pain that Kara had inflicted on her wrist, yet, she refused to point it out feeling as if it was something that she somehow deserved.

She squeezed back, her eyes buried into the scared blue ones as she waited patiently for Kara to calm down. With every breath, her grip on Lena’s wrist grew loose. The green eyes filled with such concern somehow resulted in such calmness, for Kara had accepted the reality of being held by this woman. And as time went by, the green lines on Kara’s body had disappeared along with the struggle to breathe, silence and tension now challenging the space. Lena had to accept this reality too, one where it was her who rushed to the rescue of someone whose betrayed her, realizing that there was no way Kara could be lost forever.

Slowly, Kara lifted her hand and reached for Lena’s face where she used her thumb to wipe away the tears.

“Why are you crying?” The voice breaking the silence was raspy, almost as if she’d been yelling.

“Because I thought I lost you,” an honest response, followed by a gasp, “I’m so sorry, Kara-you told me how kryptonite felt to you and I used it against you and I am so sorry-“

“What are you talking about?” Kara interrupted, her hand falling back down towards her sides. “And whose Kara?”

Lena’s eyebrows furrowed, but she didn’t have enough time to think about why Kara would ask that because Brainy and J’onn had been turning the corner. They paused, taking in the sight of Kara possibly being in pain.

“Supergirl?” J’onn called, walking closer to the two women who rested on the cold ice. “Are you okay?”

“Who’s Supergirl?”

** ——— **

Kara was still, legs dangling off the stretcher that she’d been sitting on while staring forward at Alex who’d been using a light to check her pupil dialation. Everything seemed to have been normal at this point, but it wasn’t satisfying enough for Alex to tell Kara to leave because she was fine...because she wasn’t. Kara was unaware of the years that she’d spent on earth and all of the relationships that she’d formed because she didn’t have her memories.

Lena was standing on the other side of the glass wall, staring inside at the oblivious hero who sat with her hands resting in her lap. This was the very first time, even after knowing, that Lena could see that Kara Danvers was actually the woman who wore the cape. There was no pain hidden behind her happy blue eyes, and her skin seemed shinier. She was happy without the knowledge of a cruel world, and having that weight lifted off of her shoulders seemed to have been doing wonders for her. With that, Lena wanted nothing more than to ensure that Kara never had to endure such pain again, making it a priority to stand by the hero’s side in order to prevent that from happening.

“Alright,” Alex mumbled, turning off the light, “stay here and I’ll be back in a few to run more tests okay?” Kara nodded and Alex returned a smile before glancing over at Lena who continued to chew at her extremely short nails, biting them should’ve been impossible. Alex made her way out of the room, closing the door behind her as she released a sigh and looked directly into Lena’s worried green eyes.

“Is she okay?” Lena dropped her hands to her side as Alex approached her with her hands on her hips.

“Apparently she was in a coma after having a panic attack.” Said Alex, her voice low. “The krytonite exposure didn’t technically help calm her nerves, and until she gets her memory back we won’t know what it was that’s been bothering her. Though normally these types of things only happen when she’s in small spaces since she’s claustrophobic,”

“Claustrophobic,” Lena gasped, “she’s-“

Alex furrowed, searching for the green eyes that had abandoned her own as Lena struggled to breathe and form a complete sentence. The change was sudden and it seemed as if Lena knew a little bit more than what she’d been letting on. Alex waited for a moment though, giving Lena time to gather herself.

“How did you get to the fortress?”

Their eyes connected again, green ones filled with water and despair. She swallowed hard, glancing at Kara through the glass again. Lena pulled up her sleeve, showing Alex the watch as she looked back into the brown eyes.

“Lex’s teleportation watch,” Lena answered, “it’s also how I left,”

“Why?”

The brunette looked at Kara through the glass again, this time meeting with the happy blue eyes that smiled back at her. Her heart skipped a beat, joyfully it was.

“Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this here,” was Lena’s response. 

Kara’s toothless smile was far too much for her, overwhelming but in a good way and Lena couldn’t handle it. Kara waved this time, cheerfully and Lena couldn’t help but wave back, her smile growing wider with a sudden joy that she hadn’t known was still possible to manifest. Then she turned back towards Alex.

“I’ve seen things like this before, and the worst thing that we can do is crash two different realities in one because it could permanently damage her brain,”

Alex took the words into consideration, both of the women looking at Kara through the glass now. She did notice, however, that Kara only seemed to have an interest in one of them which caused her to look at Lena who didn’t break eye contact.

“She seems to be fond of you even without her memories,” said Alex, and then took a deep breath in preparation of what she was going to say next, “maybe you should take her home,”

_No?_

Lena furrowed and abandoned the blue eyes to look up at Alex. “Take her home? Alex, if anyone is going to give her brain damage it’s going to be me. With everything that’s going on with me right now it’s a little bit risky for her to be home with me,”

The red head pressed her lips together, raking her hand through her hair as she sighed. It almost hurts her to know that Kara was currently lost and that the only person who’d made her feel safe in this moment was Lena. So imagine having to ask someone, who she barely trusts at this moment, to keep Kara safe. It was almost devastating, almost. 

“I know,” Alex mumbled, “but it’s probably the only way. I can’t be surrounded by her while she’s looking at me with no love in her eyes. I’m not just her doctor but I can’t let her know that can I?”

The two women looked at Kara again, this time Alex’s look lasted only two seconds before she walked off. Lena watched her, trying her best to keep away from melting in Kara’s eyes once more. Her mind switched direction though, taking the idea of Kara coming home with her into consideration. She was scared that this was the only solution, but then again she knew that the only way for Kara to get back to her normal self was if she too had accepted whatever Kara’s knew reality. Who was Lena to Kara when her memory was gone? Lena thought about it carefully, wondering why Kara wiped at her tears the way she did without knowing who Lena was. Knowing that, without knowing, Kara cared about why Lena was crying and somehow this was relieving. Lena was given a chance to have Kara by her side again after everything that had just happened. 

As Alex vanished from Lena’s eye sight, she turned her attention towards the room again, taking a deep breath as her heels clicked while she made her way towards the door.

“Hey,”

The voice was both calming and promising to Kara, like music to hear ears and she wondered of the name of the women who stood so far away from her but found herself too afraid to ask of it. She knew, somehow, that the stranger meant something to her and vise versa and that it would hurt if she’d known that Kara couldn’t think of her name. But the thought of her name vanished when Kara realized that something greater than that was wrong.

“Are you okay?” The blonde questioned, carefully studying the women’s energy and facial features from the distance.

“Yeah,”

It didn’t take much for her to figure it out, but Kara knew that she was lying. The blonde pressed her lips together and stepped down from the stretcher. She wanted to, really, but with this women’s body language, Kara knew that if she moved any closer she wouldn’t be able to handle it.

“Are you afraid of me?”

“No,” she shook her head, with her instant response, “no of course not I just...I thought I lost you that’s all. I’m just happy that you’re okay,”

Kara nodded, crossing her arms over her chest and glancing down at the floor. She knew that this woman was full well aware that Kara hadn’t known her name, yet, Kara still refused to accept that. So she thought, deeply about it, trying hopefully to figure it out on her own. Lena searched for Kara’s eyes, failing to connect with them as she’d stared down at her red boots. Lena couldn’t imagine being so confused, and Kara must be really confused.

“I have powers,” Kara mumbled, finding the green eyes, “like super strength and stuff. Did I hurt you?” The question was loaded, but the answer was yes. Whether Kara meant physically or mentally, the answer was yes. But Lena couldn’t tell her that, could she?

“Yes,” Lena nodded, the blue eyes reconnecting with hers once again, “but I’ll be fine it was just a little pressure. I’m a Luthor, I can handle it,”

“A Luthor?” Kara furrowed, hoping that she’d be getting a first name out of this.

“Yes,” Lena nodded again, “only the _worst_ family known to mankind. _Villains_ if you will,” the sultry voice seemed to have been filled with a somewhat familiar sarcasm. It was dry sarcasm that had every intention of not being that way. Almost as if Lena wanted to make Kara believe that she was serious.

“And you’re supposed to be one of them?”

Lena smirked, confused, tilting her head a bit to get a better look at Kara, “you seemed surprised,”

“Maybe because you don’t look like a villain to me,” the blonde shrugged.

“Well, looks can be deceiving,”

Kara nodded in agreement, taking another small step foward, “and actions?”

The smirk on Lena’s face died, her heart skipping a beat in the process. Even without her memory, without knowing who she was, Kara still believed that Lena was good, anything other than that seemed to be unreal. Lena wondered what it was about her that caused Kara to see everything other than what she saw about her own self.

“I haven’t done anything to prove to you that I’m not,” Lena cocked a brow, pushing the boundaries and hoping that Kara would speak on why she wasn’t a villain.

“You also haven’t done anything to prove that you are,”

“So you just assume that I’m good?” The response was rather quick, Lena crossing her arms.

“I’m not assuming anything,” Kara shrugged again, “except that maybe you seem to think that being good is a bad thing,”

Lena hadn’t been too quick at replying this time, still curious as to what it was that Kara was seeing. Kara Danvers, memory or not, could see everything. It said a lot really, including that Lex could have been wrong about how much Lena actually meant to Kara. How dare she ever assume that Kara hadn’t loved her when even in practical death, like meeting over again, she still had that look in her eyes? A look of love that would never burn out nor fade away.

“When you’re pretending to be...” Lena paused for a moment, “it is,”

“You can’t pretend to be pure, Lena,”

From the look on her face, Lena was a bit surprised that Kara knew her name while Kara had feared that she was wrong about it. But, Lena hadn’t denied it, neither did she ask how Kara knew this, she only assumed that it was Alex or J’onn who’d told it to her. It scared her really, Kara knowing her name because what if she’d known more than just that? What if she’d only had her memories of Lena and no one else, nothing else? What would that mean for them? For Lena? 

“How do you know that I’m pure?”

“I don’t know,” Kara shrugged yet again, “I just have a feeling,”

“Right,” Lena nodded, becoming intimidated as she’d prepared to say her next line, “well, I’ll go get Alex so that she could run a few more tests and then we’ll be going home for the night,”


	2. Give Me A Reason To Forget You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn’t have anything to do today, so I just whipped up this bad boy.

So far, the ride home was extremely quiet with the exception of the car’s low engine and the medium voiced radio. Lena stared out of the window, trying as best as she possibly could to maintain a normal heart beat. She was so nervous and Kara could tell. Not only did she hear Lena’s heart beat, but she could definitely feel it. Every few seconds she’d look to her left, staring steadily at Lena’s side profile. Measuring the woman’s jaw structure, imaginarily tracing her nose, and hoping that at any moment Lena would look her way so that Kara could look into her eyes again. The first thing that Kara saw when she woke up happened to be her favorite things, beautiful green oceans.

Smooth pale skin glistening in the moonlight that beamed through the tinted windows of the Roles Royce. Who wouldn’t believe that Kara stared nearly the entire time, listening carefully for Lena’s heart to slow a bit so that they could have a conversation? But after a few minutes, after Kara caught the reflection of the green eyes looking back at her in the window, she knew in that moment that there was no way that Lena’s heart would slow. Especially not after jumping like that.

Lena broke eye contact first, looking down into her lap and taking a deep breath while fiddling with her fingers. It seemed as if she’d been preparing to speak, to say something that maybe she’d regret and Kara gave her a moment to get herself together, to catch the breath that shouldn’t be gone and slow the heart that shouldn’t be beating so fast, but she never managed. And with this, Kara was confused. She wondered why Lena was so nervous if they’d only been sitting in silence, and so far away from each other.

“Is this okay?” Kara’s voice was low, but Lena could hear her clearly, confused with the question and forcing her green eyes to meet with the concerned blue ones. “We don’t have to go home together if that’s not what you want,”

There was a noticeable hesitation, causing Kara to nod her head with the lack of response and for the first time, since they gotten into the car, she looked away with intentions of never looking back. Lena let out another sigh, looking back down into her lap as she tried her best to come up with the perfect excuse without actually saying anything. It was hard because she wanted to say everything, starting with an apology and ending with another one. She thought this would be her chance to open up, to have another chance with Kara, but that wasn’t true. How do you go from knowing someone so well, almost everything that there possibly is to know, to this? Lena wondered if Kara’s hugs felt the same, if the warmth of her body felt the same, if her touch was the same, if her sleepy voice still sounded the same, if her real smile could still give her butterflies, if her laugh could still make her heart smile...if this Kara Danvers was still the Kara Danvers that Lena opened up to after vowing to never do it again with anyone.

“I’m sorry,” the brunette managed to get the words out, “you must be so confused right now and I’m not making it any easier for you, I just-”

“-thought you lost me, I heard you the first two times,” Kara still stared out the window with the fear of looking into Lena’s eyes, only for her to look away again.

“I know,” Lena murmured, “we just have a long history together and it’s hard for me to accept that you’ve forgotten everything we had,”

Kara licked her lips, fighting the urge to look at Lena as she’d stared out of the window. She knew that she didn’t have any memory just like she knew that she had some kind of relationship with everyone that she’d met so far specifically Brainy, J’onn, and Alex. She turned her head, staring into the green eyes that didn’t look away from her this time.

“I may not have any memories, but I still have feelings,” the blue eyed woman replied softly, “and I feel for you,”

Inevitably, Lena looked away and back into her lap. What did that mean? Did it mean that Kara still felt guilty and hurt? Imagine feeling that way without a reason. Lena started to feel really remorseful, her heart aching with the thought that Kara’s was doing the same. The only difference was that she hadn’t known what’s been causing her such agony. Lena did this, she took away everything that she and Kara built, leaving her with only the results of all the pain she caused her.

“I also have common sense, and anyone with eyes could see that somehow I broke your heart,” she paused, studying Lena again, noticing how the woman shuttered with every breath, “how?”

Again, the car was silent. Lena glanced outside the window, practically ignoring the question and Kara noted that it would be hard to get anything out of this women because she happened to be annoyingly stubborn. The blonde nodded, accepting that she wouldn’t get an answer tonight, burying her back into the leather seats and looking out the window again.

“I’m sorry,”

She’s heard that before, Kara could tell by the way she took that deep breath and buried her back into the seat too. Her eyes were closed now, her breath inconsistent almost as if she’d been holding back a cry. Without looking, Kara could see how hurt Lena was. She could also see how much love the woman had to spare. It was confusing really, if Kara hurt her then why were they going home together? If Kara was the bad guy, then why did Lena try to convince her that _she_ was the villain? All of these questions running through Kara’s mind were loud through this silence, until it broke.

“Me too,” Lena’s late response, thickening the tension though only two words, was what hurt the most because with it, Kara found that their situation wasn’t a one sided thing. It was bad because now she hadn’t known what Lena was apologizing for, and vise versa. What made it even worse than that was the fact that Kara would never know until she got her memory back, and there was no telling how long that would take.

How long would Kara even be able to be surrounded by such beautiful soul who suffered so because of her? Eight hours was all that Kara knew of Lena and yet it felt like forever. There was an emptiness in her that only those beautiful green eyes could fill, which was why it hurt even more to know that they were hurting at the moment because of her. Her home was lacking a joy and a complimenting smile that it shouldn’t, and it was all Kara’s fault, but how? What did she do, and how bad was it that Lena couldn’t even look at her for more than ten seconds?

** ——— **

After a few more minutes in the car, the driver had finally reached a stop. Kara was out of the car first, and Lena watched as she’d made her way around, wondering if she was going to go into the right building. Instead, to Lena’s surprise, Kara was only opening the door for her. She’d held out her hand for Lena to grab, which she did, and one of her questions were answered. It was the first time, ever since the bridal carry, that they’d touched and it was true...her hands were still warm and soft in Lena’s hand, overwhelming and satisfying at once. No matter how satisfying it was though, Lena refused to let Kara hold her hand the entire way so she pulled away from Kara’s touch. It was expected, but Kara was still hurt with the knowledge of Lena letting her go.

She followed Lena through the tall building, making their way into the elevator which closed after Lena pressed the button to the top floor. When the elevator began to move, Kara’s heart dropped, her breathing pattern becoming alarming to her because she knew that it wasn’t normal. She put her hand over her chest, feeling the fast beating heart and wondering why this was happening. But it was Lena who’d noticed it first, placing her hand on Kara’s bicep.

“You’re claustrophobic,” she says, looking over at the panicking woman. “We’ll be out in a moment,”

The reassurance was some what relieving, Kara’s breath slowly coming back to her though her heart was still beating far too fast for her liking. The setting of the tight walls possibly closing in on her wasn’t the best, yet, she felt safer here than in the car. It could be how distracting this was, panicking instead of worrying. Kara hated this feeling, but she enjoyed it in a way. In a way that made it end sooner than she’d expected, or hoped.

Lena removed her hand when the elevator stopped, the doors opening shortly after. They’d stepped off, and the brunette lead the way yet again. Lena wasn’t prepared to open the door, but no one, not even Kara, could tell. The hesitation was extremely subtle, and even she hadn’t known of it, but she did know that it was there. Tonight would probably be the most awkward night of her life, with the next few nights following...or however many more nights it would be before Kara got her memories back.

Lena pushed opened the door to her apartment, stepping aside so that Kara could enter first and closed the door behind them. Kara seemed somewhat nervous, intertwining her own hands together while standing in the middle of the apartment, waiting for some sort of direction. This was knew, seeing her standing there like that instead of walking into the kitchen first like she’d normally do when she shows up to Lena’s place.

“Are you hungry?”

“No, I’m fine,” Kara answered, and Lena grew concerned. Kara Danvers was always-“you know, on second thought maybe I could use a bite,”

With that, Lena smirked. It took all of three minutes for her to order nine large pepperoni pizzas, six orders of potstickers, four twenty piece orders of cinnamon sticks, and a salad. In the hour and fourty-five minutes that it took for the food to get here, Lena made a few office calls to L-Corp and a call to Alex to ensure that Kara was fine. Though Lena did want to admit that shedidn’t know if she’d even be able to last a week without spilling her guts out, she hadn’t. Because, as much as she’d hate to say it, she actually enjoyed Kara’s presence.

They’d been sitting on the couch by this time, empty boxes of pizza stacked upon each other, and just like all of the other times that they’d been together, except the elevator maybe, they were too far apart for Kara’s liking. At times, however, she didn’t mind the space if a box of pizza was taking it up. Their conversations were also a bit distracting, stretching from Lena being the reason for Kara becoming a journalist up into Kara being the reason for Lena staying in National City.

Throughout their _small talk_ Kara noticed all of the things that Lena was most passionate about. Technology, science, nature...in other words she was a nerd. Kara seemed to be one herself considering the fact that she’d reveled in these topics, but then again it could’ve just been sharing them with Lena. This was the first time that Lena had been able to smile genuinely, her heart was beating normally and she’d seemed to be calm now. Kara got out a joke and Lena giggled for the first time of the night, her smile wide and all. The sight of her happiness was calming and breath taking. Kara found herself melting, staring, and wondering how she could possibly ever hurt Lena all at once. She was more curious now, what she’s done to tear them apart.

As she’d finished chewing her food, Lena noticed that Kara had been staring with the exact same expression on her face from earlier when she’d ask _how_. Her smile faded and she licked her lips knowing for sure that tonight would probably end in her crying herself to sleep. Kara could see it, the change in Lena’s demeanor and she looked away instantly.

“Sorry,” she mumbled.

“It’s okay,” Lena assured her, “I’d like to talk about it too but...given the circumstances and the possible outcome-“

“I got it,”

Lena nodded, clearing her throat afterwards and pushing her hair behind one of her ears. She stared at Kara’s side profile, biting on her lip while thinking carefully of what could come out of the next topic. She could see that Kara refused, with everything, the urge to look at Lena and start the conversation on her own.

“I just feel guilty for some reason,” Kara broke the silence, “and relieved. I don’t know how that’s possible, but I do know that I only feel that way around you,” Lena shuttered when their eyes met again. “Happy, but also sad and lost. You keep saying that I’m confused and I am, but it’s more confusing not knowing why I’m confused. You have the power to make me feel better and yet you’re avoiding it. Why?”

“Kara-“

“I just want to know what I did to hurt you, because I broke your heart, and it really hurts to see you look at me like you’re trying to hate me but you can’t,”

Lena licked her lips, glancing down at her lap before looking back up into Kara’s desperate blue eyes. So much for a fresh start.

“I know,” the brunette nodded.

“How?”

She didn’t look away this time, only slide closer and placed her hand into Kara’s, squeezing it softly. Kara didn’t squeeze back until she noticed the green eyes tearing up. The blonde paid attention to everything, especially the sound of Lena’s heart which began to beat faster. They stared at each other, longer than Lena thought they would. She expected words to come out of her mouth, but instead she’d only started to shed tears, sniffling before rubbing her lips together. Her eyes widened, trying her best to hold everything back.

“I love you,” the low shaky voice almost made Kara’s day, but she knew that there was a _but_ , “more than I ever knew, but it doesn’t mean anything because you don’t feel the same way, and I can’t tell you that because you’re gone. When you get your memory back maybe you’ll understand what I mean, but until then...I lost you. Forever-“

“That’s not true,” Kara furrowed, “I’m right here, and I always will be. I may not remember anything, but I swear I still feel the same and I love you too,”

“You don’t even know me,” Lena pulled away, standing up from the couch, her back towards Kara, and wiping quickly at her newly falling tears.

Kara was confused a moment, wondering if she’d meant that because her memories were gone or just in general. Either way, it wasn’t true, and whether Kara remembered anything or not, she still _knew_ Lena. Or at least that’s how she felt. And her feelings seemed to be stronger when they were out on the table than bottled up.

“You have trust issues,” Kara says, “they run so deep that you can’t even trust yourself these days. People are afraid of Luthors’, and you let that get to you because you feel like you _need_ something to believe in. You believe that because your family is bad, you should be villainized too simply because it’s _in your blood_. You’ve been hurt, lied to, and betrayed so many times that you don’t even know what’s real anymore,” the blonde stood up from the couch and slowly approached Lena from behind, “and despite all of that you still managed to love and fall in the light because you’re good...but you know that already because you’ve heard it before,” Lena’s eyes slammed shut and she gasped at the touch of Kara’s hand on her shoulder blade. “I love you, and it only took one look into your eyes for me to know that with or without my memory I’ll need a pretty huge reason to ever forget what you mean to me,”

Eyes still closed, Lena took a shaky deep breath. She stepped forward, forcing Kara’s hand to fall from her back because she’d been distracted by the calming touch. There was no way that she could possibly fall for that, because Kara Danvers didn’t love her, if that were the case she wouldn’t be hurting like this. Lex was right, Kara was a liar and she still, even in practical death, lied...right?

“Lena-“

“We’re not supposed to be talking about this,” the brunette interrupted, wiping at her tears again, “do you want the bed or the couch?”

Kara nodded her head and pressed her lips together. She’d already come to the conclusion that Lena was in fact stubborn, and hurt, and guilty, but she didn’t think that it was this bad. She didn’t think that Lena would allow their conversation to get this far only for it to come to a sudden end. And still, the only answer that Kara had gotten was really one that she could’ve figured out herself, that she’d broke Lena’s heart. She’d also gotten the answer to the pain in her chest, feeling her heart shattering into a million pieces. It was Lena. Not just Lena, but Lena walking away, turning her back, leaving. It seemed so familiar, this feeling, and it hurt even more to know that this had happened before, that Lena walked away. So this, this was definitely not a one sided thing. What happened? Kara would probably never know until she _knew._

There was no response to Lena’s question, only footsteps that seemed to get closer before becoming distant again. Lena looked up, only to see Kara walking out the door. It was a bad decision, but Lena couldn’t bring herself to chase after her. Not even with the thought of Alex kicking her ass for letting Kara practically roam free.

_She’ll be back_.

** ——— **

She never came back.

It was four in the morning now and Lena was wide awake, sitting down at the island drinking whiskey. Her intentions were to not get drunk, and she’d surprisingly exceeded her expectations. Staring at the door, hoping that it would open along while hoping that it didn’t. What would happen if it did? She’d ask where Kara had been all this time, why she left, why didn’t she call to let Lena know where she was, but all of those questions would show concern. Yes, Lena knew that this wasn’t _her Kara_ , but this Kara still knew somehow that Lena cared for her though she’d tried her best not to show it.

She’d thought back to their conversation, wondering if what Kara said was true since she’d been so used to lying. Wondering how Kara could love someone she barely even knew, how her eyes could only water in a successful attempt to not shed any tears, remaining strong for a women she barely knew, letting her know for sure that everything was going to be okay. It made Lena angry, knowing that there was even the slightest possibility that Lex was wrong. She’d been trapped between two possible truths or two possible lies, coming to a realization that Kara was right about her not knowing what was real anymore.

Lena, for some unknown reason, trusted Lex and it showed. She was afraid to tell Kara anything because she was afraid that Lex was right about how Kara really felt. If their relationship, their love, the moments that they’d shared was all a lie. Even if the events that lead up to here started off as a lie, all of them couldn’t have been that way. Lena had to be capable of being loved by someone who hadn’t been using her, someone who was honest and truly cared for her. Someone who was able see through everything, the rumors, the last name, and the reputation. She thought that person was Kara but clearly she’d been mistaken. How was she supposed to say that without breaking Kara’s heart? How was she supposed to admit that out loud to someone who has shown nothing but care, love, and respect with the little time that they’ve known each other.

Whenever Kara gets her memory back, Lena will lose her forever, so why should she even try to make this better while Kara’s like this. Her chance at spending her last bit of time in National City with Kara was taken away because, without her memory, Kara still knew what Lena meant to her...or what she pretends that Lena means. Because she was pretending...right? The simple fact that it was even a question said a lot, that Kara was right about Lena’s trust issues and about how she couldn’t separate what was real from her own developed realities.

With that, Lena gulped down what was left in her glass, a sudden and unwanted confusion consuming her. She’s never felt this broken before, let alone this guilty. Lena wasn’t given the chance to cry rightfully or mourn a loved person that she’d lost properly. Her little boxes were exploding, unreasonably she’d assumed. This never happens, it never happened. Not even with Andrea, it never happened. Not Lex, not Lillian, only Kara.

The women sniffled, wiping at her wet eyes. She stared forward at the wall over the sink, her attention finally transferring from the door. This was the first time, since finding out that Kara was Supergirl, that Lena sat in silence and thought about everything that’s happening. Again, the road to her future blurred because she’d lost yet another major variable that she’d searched for her entire life. Happiness, no matter how different it felt, was only a temporary thing for a Luthor. Now it was time for her to accept that.

** ——— **

More time passed by, the sun rising and forcing the beautiful bright light into Lena’s apartment. By this time now, seven in the morning, she’d been sound asleep on the couch. This was the time that Kara had decided to come back, pushing the door open, one of her hands occupied by a tray of coffee. As she closed the door, a soft smile made its way onto her face when she’d noticed Lena sleeping. She then walked over to the island, eyes abandoning the beautiful sight, and placed the tray of coffee near the half empty bottle of whiskey.

She didn’t want to argue today, but she had a feeling that somehow they’d come back to such bridge that Lena wouldn’t be willing to cross. Though, for some reason, Kara felt that they shouldn’t have any boundaries. Not when Lena cried like that, or shuttered the way she had, hesitating to say a word if it meant ending a conversation with anger or sadness. Kara knew, whether Lena wanted her to or not, that Lena truly cared for her and if she hadn’t, that conversation would’ve been easier. Lena was, somehow, trying best she could to protect Kara from some kind of heart break but if it was going to destroy her like this, then Kara would’ve accepted the pain. She would except pain every day over and over again if it meant that Lena didn’t have to go through it alone.

With no memory of Lena, and _just a feeling_ Kara had been willing die for this women. How could that not be love? How could Lena ever believe that Kara hadn’t known who she truly was underneath all of that stubbornness? The only logical answer was that Lena didn’t believe that, she couldn’t. It was rather impossible in fact.

Kara took a deep breath, trying her best to brush away her thoughts and finding her eyes staring at Lena’s phone. The soft smile was back now, noticing that it was open and displaying a picture of herself and Lena hugging and smiling brightly at the camera. The blonde reached for the device, lifting it from the island, and staring closely at their happiness. Lena’s happiness rather. Her smile was similar to the one that she had last night when they were eating and talking about such random things, when they were _in their element._

Then she swiped, greeted with another picture but this time Alex was also in the frame. Then she swiped again, and again, and again, and again. In ever single picture, they were smiling as if it were their last smile. All of those pictures were worth framing, put in a museum, or dictionary as an example of what true happiness looks like. Then Kara swiped again, greeted with a video this time, and she didn’t hesitate at all to press play. 

They were standing in Lena’s kitchen, Kara with the phone in her hand while Lena had been in the background flattening out the dough that lied on the counter top.

“ _So,” Lena focused carefully on the dough and Kara had stared at her through the camera, patiently waiting for her to look up, while she spoke, “Lena and are going to be missing out on game night tonight because she told me that she had a salad for dinner-“_

_ “Shut up Kara,” the brunette giggled softly, refusing to take her eyes off of the dough. _

_ “A fruit salad to be exact, mostly grapes-“ _

_“Kara-“_

_ “All grapes actually,” Kara spoke over Lena’s laughter, “ ** fermented ** grapes. Do you guys know what fermented grapes are?” Lena laughed louder this time, her smile becoming wider and brighter. “It’s wine,” _

_ Lena looked up this time, not at the camera, but Kara’s side profile whilst shaking her head and rolling her eyes. With this, Kara laughed, then pulled herself together. _

_“Now we’re making homemade pizza, and if it fails we’ll show up,”_

When the video ended, Kara couldn’t help but smile widely at the phone. Even her heart smiled, finally, relieved of the aching pain that it’s been enduring since she’d left last night. It made her happier than she’d ever expected to see Lena happy like that, smiling with full blown sarcasm. Relaxed, and comfortable without a heart that jumped and a twitch that gave away her nervousness.

“We never went to game night,”

Kara quickly locked the phone and sat it back down on the island after being startled by Lena’s sleepy voice. She looked back at the woman who’s face had still been buried in the couch pillows that she’d hugged tightly.

“Instead, we made seven of those and then spent three hours coming up with a name for a restaurant,”

The two women smirked at one another, Kara shortly abandoning the happy green eyes and glancing down at the floor as she sat down on the white barstool. She found herself gathering the sudden need to laugh, uncontrollably, but with pleasure. She snickered, looking back up into Lena’s eyes.

“Karlena,” she chuckled, smile growing extremely wide, “and CatCo would sponsor it if you couldn’t convince the board of L-Corp to do it,” Lena furrowed, the sudden laughter becoming alarming to her. The green eyed woman sat up from the couch pillow, her legs touching the floor as she’d continued to stare at the laughing women. “We even painted a logo,”

_Interesting_ , Lena thought, standing up to her feet now. If Kara didn’t have her memories, then how she possibly remeber that night in such detail.

“How do you know that?” Lena questioned, tilting her head slightly.

That was when everything hit, Kara had just obtained a memory. Not only was it the memory, but the feeling of it seemed to be the same. Lena remembered Kara’s reaction that night, how she was the one who implied that a restaurant wouldn’t be a bad idea and how they laughed it off for a day before actually considering it. Lena even called some people to figure out where she could renovate a building.

The blonde shrugged her shoulders, the laughter dying with the short action, “I don’t know,” she said.

“Do you remeber anything else?”

Kara thought carefully before she answered, “no,”

“Okay,” Lena nodded, “so that’s the only thing you remember about us?”

“Yes,”

But before the video, Kara knew nothing of that did she? Of course not. She watched a video of them together and got a memory, which meant that maybe they didn’t have to wait so long and that there _was_ a solution.

“I think I know how to get your memory back,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t get used to the quick updates, ;).


	3. Killing Roses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of forced this one out of myself so if its bad, please let me know, ;).

For the last few hours, Lena spent time in a lab at the DEO while trying to piece together the full solution. It seemed hard, for the first time in her life, she couldn't work to clear her mind. She'd been far too distracted today and nothing was getting done. Every two minutes she'd stop what she was doing and check her phone for some unknown reasons. She didn't have any friends so who would be texting her? Normally it would be Kara. Normally when she worked this hard, or tried, Kara would always text her to see if she was okay or if she'd been hungry, or if she just wanted to simply take a break and just clear the business out of her mind, but that wasn't going to happen was it? No, and it wouldn't happen ever again.

Maybe that was the reason. Maybe Lena couldn't get her work done because she knew that if she completed this, that Kara would remember Lena locking her in a block of ice and exposing her to kryptonite. She knew that the love that Kara feels now was going to disappear once she remembered, along with Alex's care and respect. Everything was falling apart faster than what Lena expected. She only programmed the fortresses defenses against Kara so that Kara wouldn't stop her from taking Myriad. Kara could've gotten out, she could've broken through that ice, there shouldn't have been that much kryptonite to make her weak enough to not be able to get out. But then again Lena didn't know how much of that stuff it took to bring the girl of steel to her knees.

"Lena?" The green eyed woman practically jumped at the sound of Alex's voice, who entered the lab not even noticing the sudden movement because she'd had her eyes buried in a tablet. "I have some news that you're probably not going to to like," Alex looked up from the tablet as she approached Lena, "I got Brainy to hack into the data base for the Leviathan HQ and it appears that the technology that they're using is from L-Corp. It was recently updated seven months ago,"

The news was...alarming prehaps. Lena wondered how that could be possible. How would leviathan would ever be able to get their hands on L-Corp technology that advanced if it hasn't even been released yet. The women were standing across from her other now, Alex handing Lena the tablet over the table and then placing her hands on her hips when Lena took it. She'd been confused, calculating everything in her head. But of course, when she'd seen one familiar project, she knew exactly what was happening.

"Lex," it was a whisper, but the room was so quiet that Alex could hear her clearly, "Lex was working with leviathan,"

"Are you sure that it was _him_?"

"Unless he shared these creations with someone else," Lena looked up into Alex's eyes. "Before he was last arrested we were going to be working together at L-Corp but I left when he told me he was devoting the company to creating weapons that could kill Superman. All of these weapons are built specifically to hurt Kryptonians'. And these," she pointed at the screen, showing it to Alex, "these could be the lenses that they used to control Rip Roar,"

"So, Lex knows about leviathan but he's dead so we can't get any information?"

"Not exactly, umm, Kara got his journals for me and he keeps tabs on everything. I could bring them to you if you want?"

Alex nodded, "I'd appreciate that," Lena returned the gesture as she returned the tablet into Alex's hands. "How are you doing by the way?"

"I'm great,"

The answer was so unbelievable that Lena didn't even believe it herself. But still, she'd forced a fake smile on her face which had only made it worse. Alex practically cringed at the stiffness of Lena's face. She knew that this was going to be hard for the both of them, not having Kara by their sides because Kara meant so much. Kara was a huge factor in both of their lives and now she was just gone. That definitely has some kind of impact on a person. Especially one who doesn't trust easily because no one does the same for her. 

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Alex questioned, turning the tablet off and holding it down near her side.

"Do you?"

The red head took a deep breath, sitting the tablet on the table and pulling up a chair which she'd sat down in. Lena followed the action, preparing herself for the worse. Kara's sister was probably about to ball her eyes out about how much she'd missed her which would only make Lena's guilt worse, but she couldn't back away at this point. She couldn't suddenly change her mind and pretend that she needs to work on a solution that she actually doesn't have because her mind isn’t working right.

Everything was Kara centric in her brain. Nothing else really mattered. All Lena cared about, all she could think about, was if what Kara said was true and if she'd still feel that way after she got her memory back. For the last few days Lena's brain was killing invisible roses, _she loves me, she loves me not_ , on repeat. And with each repeat her heart ached. The simple fact that she'd questioned the love said a lot, it probably meant that the answer was no and that Lex was right about it. That Kara had in fact been using her, but then again if that were the case Kara wouldn't have cried like that when she told Lena she was Supergirl. In fact, Kara wouldn't have said that she was Supergirl.

She'd lost herself in her mind, again, nearly forgetting that she was supposed to let Alex speak. Her eyes watered and she sighed, not knowing what to believe anymore. Still trapped in between Lex's truth and Kara's truth. She needed to pick a side, but she was so afraid that if she did she'd be wrong. _She loves me, she loves me not, she loves, she loves me not_ , still repeating, over and over and over again.

"You seem to be taking this a lot harder than I am," Alex tilted her head when she'd noticed Lena's change in demeanor. "I know that it's normally Kara who's there for you when you need her, but I'm your friend too Lena, and if you ever need to talk about anything just let me know-"

"I did it,"

Alex was confused, her face said everything that it needed to. Lena took a deep breath, knowing for a fact that there was nothing she could do to turn back and not say anything because this wasn't Kara. This was a person who still knew who Lena was and almost what she stood for. A person who could probably kill Lena, in millions of different ways with one finger.

"I love Kara, more than I thought I did," Lena shrugged, her voice low but clear, "and knowing that I'm the reason that she's like this makes me hate myself more than I already did. The only reason that I agreed to take her home with me was because I felt guilty, but now it's even worse-I-I have been working in this lab for hours trying to come up with a solution but there isn't one-" The green eyed woman burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably while Alex just stared, still very confused as to what was happening. "I knew what kryptonite could do to her and I still used it against her, and you know the worst part? She doesn't know how much I hurt her. She doesn't know that it was me, and I can't tell her. She just looks at me like I'm her entire world-she told me that she loved me and that I'm not a villain but I am-"

"Wait," Alex scoffed, "why were you using kryptonite against her? When you guys left the DEO you were fine,"

" _She_ was fine," an honest and quick response, "I was still broken about the fact that she'd been lying to me about who she was for years. I didn't expect to be loved or to love someone when I came to National City but I let her in and just like everyone else, she betrayed me...and inevitably I reacted like a Luthor by using the very thing that hurts her the most against her,"

The room went silent. Alex had a choice to make, but it was somewhat different when she thought about this from Kara's prospective. She pieced everything together, knowing that Kara could've gotten out of the block of ice if she'd applied the right amount of pressure with just her pinkie.

"You're not a villain," said Alex, carefully choosing her battle and hoping that she'd taken the route that Kara would want her to. Lena, astonished by the words, furrowed her brows, confusion consuming her once more. "And part of the reason Kara kept her identity a secret was because of me. Part of the reason that her identity is even a thing is because of me. I spent my entire life trying to protect her, fearing that someone would use it against her. She came to me countless times, telling me how much she hated lying to you and I just kept telling her to hold off. I promise you that her intentions were always good, that she believed in you even when no one else did. She defended every single day, we even argued about trusting you. You came between us, multiple times, because she trusted you and I didn't, so don't you ever think for a second that she hurt you on purpose. Kara loves you, and she always will no matter what. I don't know what happened at the fortress, the things that were said, but if you think you've lost Kara then you're wrong,"

Lena didn't expect Alex to react _this_ way, she thought that it would be harder than this, not that it wasn't hard, but this was Alex. This was Kara's sister, you'd think that she'd yell or push Lena to come up with a solution since it _was_ in fact her fault. But now that everything was on the table, a weight, though small, seemed to have been lifted from her chest. She wasn't going to be better though until Alex's words were spoken into existence. Lena was never going to believe it herself until she'd heard the words from Kara. And with that she smirked, coming to a realization that she _still_ trusted Kara.

"Thank you," Lena says softly, "I may not believe that right now, but it helps to know that there's a possibility that it could be true,"

Alex nodded, flashing a toothless smile as she reached for Lena's hand which she squeezed softly. She couldn't even imagine what Lena was going through, blaming herself for something like that and believing that no one would be there to hold her hand when she'd reach such dark places. Lena was unaware that her friends actually cared and would be there for her because it wasn't something that she'd been used to and Alex understood it. With that, she didn't need to question Lena about Mal because Lena was a pure soul who would never have any bad intentions no matter what her last name was.

"Also, I think I figured it out," Lena pulled away from Alex's calming touch, pushing her hair behind her ears as she cleared her throat and crossed her legs underneath the table, "at first I thought that I could use a set of VR lenses from Obsidian North, but with Kara's feelings she could easily interpret each of the simulations as something else which would mean that technically her memories won't properly be restored. Which means," she took a deep breath, "that the only logical solution is telling her-I _know_ that it's risky, but that's how she obtained the other one. It was accidental, but I was sure to ease it. I didn't really think anything of it until she started to tell me things that she shouldn't know,"

"Okay," Alex nodded, "but she only has one old memory of you guys. Bringing back that memory didn't bring anything else back. What about everyone else in her life? I mean some people we may not even know about that could have impacted her in positive and negative ways. One night stands, crushes, family from Krypton, the explosion of her planet? I don't think that two people can insert all of that,"

Lena hummed, standing up from her seat as she'd approached ground zero of her nerd phase. She thought thoroughly, processing everything at a speed that no one else, except for Brainy, possibly could. She nodded slowly, and then she snapped her fingers.

"A core," she answered, eyes wide as she exserted her enthusiasm, "and there could be more than one. I'm thinking maybe her childhood home and the fortress?"

"That makes sense," Alex stood, lifting the tablet from table in the action, "you could take her to Midvale while-"

"Me?" Lena furrowed, astonished yet again by Alex's words. "You lived with her didn't you?"

"Yes, but I think you two need to talk,"

"Alex-"

"Lena, listen to me," the red head walked around the table, placing her hand on Lena's shoulder and staring deeply into her eyes with an eyebrow raised, "when Kara gets her memory back she has to do it with you. The last thing on her mind was you, she could've gotten out of that block of ice but she didn't because being in there was distracting her from thinking about losing you,"

Under Alex's touch, Lena relaxed a bit, her shoulders dropping with this imagine being placed into her head. She wanted an explanation for why Kara didn't get out and now she has one. But she didn't know if it were true or not and the only way to figure that out was to be there when Kara got her memory back.

"Besides, I'm sure she'd want me to be here trying to figure out who the hell Leviathan is because she hates unknown variables, they make her anxious,"

Alex patted Lena's shoulder before leaving the room. She knew what she was doing, giving Lena the opportunity to redeem herself just in case Kara wouldn't forgive, which Alex highly doubted. Still, she didn't want Kara and Lena's relationship to end because of her. At this point though, all three of them believed that they were at fault, selfishly. But it showed how much the three of them cared for each other.

There was going to be another long ride with Kara, but this time there wouldn't be a driver. Lena was going to be the driver. Lena was going to drive Kara to Midvale. Oh brother.

**———**

How long would they have to be there? Seconds? Minutes? Hours? Days? Weeks maybe? Hopefully not weeks, and definitely not days. Lena couldn't spend any more _days_ with Kara while she was like _this_. She couldn't continue to keep away the reason that she'd been apologizing so much, because that happened _a lot_. In nearly every conversation that she and Kara has had, Lena was apologizing about something that she _couldn't_ talk about with Kara.

The car ride was scariest part of this entire trip. Sitting in silence _or_ talking, Lena didn't know which one was worse. Maybe if they'd turned on the radio, but even then it would still be awkward. She'd normally always have something to talk about with Kara, no matter what it was. Including the most random things that popped into her head, like her weird fascination for rocks. How she'd only go jewelry shopping just to listen to the lady tell her about the different varieties, _colors, shapes,_ and _sizes_ there were. But Kara had no idea of how nerdy Lena actually was because technically, Kara _didn't_ know her at all.

Kara hadn't known that she and Lena had the same favorite color, forest green. Or that they shared the _same_ interests in food, with the exception of Kale. Or that Lena _loved_ it when Kara would break into song in the middle of some of their conversations. Or that Lena's favorite movie was Titanic, but sometimes Kara made her fumble between that and The Wizard of Oz. Or that Lena _loved_ how passionate Kara was about the things and the people she loved. Or that Lena _loved_ how huge Kara’s heart was, and how much she'd admired her for that. 

But if Lena admitted any of that in car, she wouldn't shut up. She knew that she'd go on and on and on about how much Kara meant to her and how _much_ she'd missed Kara. All of that would only turn into a huge apology and a raging feeling of guilt that would eat her up from the inside out. But she didn't want that. She wanted this car ride to be calm, and she wanted Kara to relax. She wanted to be able to smile with Kara and laugh with her about things that weren't actually funny. She wanted to make jokes that only Kara could understand.

Lena took a deep breath as she lifted her keys from the white dresser in her bedroom and pulled her suitcase out into the living room where Kara sat patiently with her face buried into her phone. She was playing some weird game that Alex put her on to to keep her from being bored at the DEO earlier.

"Kara?"

"Hmm," Kara hadn't been paying any attention, feet propped up on the coffee table as she'd taken second place in the racing game.

"Kara?" Lena cocked a brow, standing at the door with her hand on the knob as she waited for Kara to look up from the phone. "You can play the game in the car,"

"You know that I'm claustrophobic, when I get in the elevator I'll lose my concentration. Just let me—YES!"

Lena rolled her eyes as Kara jumped up from the couch, "I'll be in the car,"

"I’m coming, Lena," the blonde sighed.

In such small amount of time, they'd become a little too comfortable with each other. It was both good and bad in a way, good because Kara understood their boundaries and knew that Lena was stubborn and that she would still never get the answer of how she'd broken Lena's heart. Bad because...well bad because the same reason that it was good. Because again, Kara didn't think, with her feelings, that she and Lena should have boundaries. But maybe they didn't, maybe it was only like this because Kara wasn't herself.

When they reached the car, Kara offered to put Lena's luggage in the trunk but Lena used the time to get her last breath of fresh air before getting into a car where she knew _someone_ would start something. She took a deep breath before getting into the car, closing the door behind her and immediately starting the engine after putting on her seatbelt. Kara snickered, following Lena in her _car safety_ actions.

"What's funny?" Lena asked out of curiosity, facing the blue eyes that sparkled in the low invading sunlight.

"You," Kara smirked, buring her back into the leather seat, her eyes still merging with Lena's.

“Mhm,” Lena was confused, but she broke eye contact after realizing how much she “ _hAteD_ ” when Kara looked at her like that. Lena knew that Kara was about to point something out, but she distracted herself from the thought by switching gears and pulling out of the parking garage. The sunlight was brighter now, but it didn't annoy them too much.

"You're not gonna ask how?" Kara questioned.

"Nope,"

Kara nodded, still smiling, as she looked forward onto the road. From here, their ride was silent, but it only lasted for about five minutes before Lena actually grew curious. Through her peripheral vision, she could see that Kara was still smiling, almost as if she _knew_ that Lena was eventually going to ask how. So, with that in mind, Lena avoided it. But the longer Kara smiled, the more curious she'd become.

"Okay, fine, how?"

“Give me five minutes and I’ll get back to you,” Kara joked and Lena rolled her eyes yet again, though this time she smiled.

Lena scoffed, “you’re ridiculous,”

“I’m just trying to help you relax,” Kara shrugged, “you seem tense,”

“With everything going on can you blame me?”

“Yeah, I can actually,” Kara nodded, her eyes still on the road, “you’re the one whose choosing to feel guilty when you and I both know that whatever you did I’ll forgive you,”

And there it was, the topic that Lena wanted to avoid. She practically walked into that one though, maybe she should’ve just kept her mouth shut and the entire ride would be silent. Speaking with Alex made being around Kara a little easier, but not easy enough for Lena’s heart to beat regularly.

“You don’t even know who _you_ are, how do you know that?” Lena took a quick glance at her passenger before looking at the road again.

“Because I love you,” an honest response, Kara’s eyes still glued onto the road, “and with the time that I’ve known you I’m sure that I have some _pretty_ _good_ reasons,”

Lena’s mouth parted, she wanted to say something. Really. But instead, she pressed her lips together and failed miserably to hide a soft smile. Again, speaking with Alex made things a little easier with Kara. Normally she wouldn’t smile at all and she’d probably be weeping big crocodile tears saying that they couldn’t talk about it. But this time, she feared that if she didn’t entertain this she’d never be able to be _relaxed_.

“Hmm,” she hummed, “is that so?” Kara answered with a silent head nod as she’d abandoned Lena’s eyes when she glanced. “Good though? I could never. I’m Luthor,” the sultry voice made Kara shiver. She didn’t have to look at Lena to know that she’d done her sexy smile and eyebrow cock thing.

“A Luthor who is currently saving a Super? Gee,” she replied, filled with sarcasm.

Lena furrowed. _How did that matter?_ How did Kara even _know_ that she’d been a Super? Was she...nah.

“Ha,” the blonde chuckled, looking at Lena again, “remember that time your mother tried to kill me by exerting krytonite into the air but you changed the kryptonite to some cute little sparkly things?” Kara laughed even more, then took a deep breath with a huge smile on her face. “It’s so funny how you do cute little adorable things like that and think that you’re evil,”

The brunette furrowed, eyes still glued to the road, as she’d thought about what Kara just said. How was it that Kara was gaining these memories back without being triggered? Lena grew curious, but she didn’t want that to get in the way. They seemed to have been coming in their own natural order.

“It’s cute,” Kara smirked, “but I don’t like that you believe anything of yourself that isn’t true. I mean, your presence is just _angelic_ , that’s what I felt when we first met. I was _really_ nervous too, I don’t know if you could tell, but I think it was because Clarke and everyone at the DEO painted this picture of you in my head...” Kara paused a moment, “and I just love it when an author believes that they’re writing something to be one way, when it was really another. You know what I mean? Like trying to paint a banana red just because they saw the apples first? Those are the best kinds of arts, when there are beautiful secrets and flaws behind them...those are the arts that become master pieces when they don’t even want to be. The ones that no one with a bad soul could touch,” the blonde looked over to Lena with a smile, “I guess I’m lucky to be a good soul huh?”

There was no answer from Lena, she’d only glanced to see Kara looking back at her before staring back at the road. Lena had relaxed a little, but now her heart was racing again and Kara giggled.

“That’s how you’re funny by the way,” the blue eyed woman referred to Lena’s heart beat. “If anyone should be nervous, it should be me. I mean...look at you-“

“Shut up Kara,”

“What?” She scoffed. “I can’t complement you?”

“No,” Lena’s eyes were wide and her voice was enthusiastically firm. Then she eased up a bit, sitting up straight as she’d licked her lips. “Not...not like that,”

“Why,” Kara turned the other women, “you think you’re just ugly inside and out? Psst,”

“Come on,” Lena rolled her eyes, annoyed this time, slouching in the action, “you said you wanted to help me relax. This isn’t helping,”

“Okay,” the blonde nods, “ _okay_. I’m sorry that you’re a beautiful human being, with a beautiful soul, and a huge beautiful heart. I’ll never complement you again,”

_Complement?_ Lena cocked a brow, and her smirk was back as she tried to hide her laugh. Kara was flirting and even she had to know it. She hadn’t been subtle with it all.

“Unless I’m telling you those reasons that you still haven’t asked me about-“

“I’m not asking about the reasons,” it was the third time that she’d interrupted Kara today and at this point Kara was getting used to almost not getting her way. But she knew that Lena would definitely say yes eventually because apparently she couldn’t say no to Kara.

“Come on...ask me about the reasons,”

“No,”

“Please?”

“I’m not asking about the reasons, can you let me drive?”

“I did,” Kara responsed, “and you hate driving,”

“I like driving, that’s why I’m doing it,”

“No, I’m pretty sure you hate driving. You have a _driver_ ,” the blond pointed, “and every time we go out, I drive,”

With that, Lena furrowed. Kara was stumbling upon another memory, or more even. All of the times where she driven prehaps? How was this happening? Lena did say that the first one was accidental, but this one seemed different. Maybe the familiarity of the car to Kara was bringing back her memories of Lena. But why would it be Lena’s car?

“I remember that time Morgan posisoned those kids, and after we found that he was guilty we spent hours in your parking garage celebrating when I drove you home. In _this_ car,” the blonde enthusiastically slapped the dashboard, but she was sure to be gentle in the action.

“How do you know that?

Kara shrugged, “I thought this was the solution? Going to Midvale? It’s helping, I think?”

“We’re not even there yet,” Lena took a quick look at Kara, who’d lifted her phone from her lap and started up her game again.

“Well maybe it works from a distance,” Kara returned a quick look of her own before viewing her phone again. “Or maybe I’m just so curious about you that I’m forcing myself to figure out why I love you so much,”

Lena gulped instantly, furrowing her eyebrows in the action. _Well_ , this certainly was _not_ where she’d expected this car ride to go, but she really did hope that Kara wasn’t actually misinterpreting her love for Lena as that...other kind of _love_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback :3 ???
> 
> Also, for those of you who don’t know...Ugh...Supercorp endgame ;7.


	4. It Hurts, But Love Is War

**—Two Days Ago—**

_"Your name is Kara Danvers," Alex turned up the yellow sun lamps and then removed the gloves from her hands, "does that ring a bell?"_

_The room grew silent, Kara thinking carefully about her answer. Was it supposed to ring a bell? Was the memory of hearing this name, Kara, supposed to go further back than hearing that strange woman say it to her? Was she supposed to know who she was, that she was in fact, Kara Danvers._

_"Someone called me Kara today," was her answer, staring up at the ceiling with her hands resting on her stomach. "I didn't get her name though, but she was... worried about me. In a way, it felt relieving...almost like I wanted her to care for me or something. Is that weird?"_

_Alex turned to the resting hero, staring at her without saying a word as she'd processed what was just said. Interesting. Alex was sure to be careful now, knowing that this her was Lena._

_"It's not weird," she answered, "she's someone close to you so I'd expect that,"_

_"You're close to me too, aren't you?"_

_"You think so?"_

_Kara nodded, looking over at Alex who'd turned her attention back towards the monitor. Alex seemed to have been far too calm to be in a situation where her sister practically forgot who she was. Or maybe it was because she knew this feeling, the feeling of forgetting about a part of yourself. Alex was apart of Kara, but Kara didn't know that did she? What was even worse was the fact that Alex couldn't tell her. J'onn said that it could make things worse and that Kara had to figure these things out on her own. Of course his psychic abilities were their first solution, but technically that wasn't a solution._

_"I feel it," Kara answered, "I have feelings, and I feel like you're something more than what you're letting on. I must come to you for help a lot?"_

_With that question, Alex smirked, licking her lips in the action. That was satisfying, knowing that even without her memory Kara still felt something. She eased a little more now, not trying in anyway to hide her anger about this situation because there hadn't been anymore anger. There was only hope, hope that one day Kara would come to her remembering everything, joining her at a cafè from some coffee and tones of appetizers._

_"Well, I am a pretty wise women," Alex shrugged cockily, eyes still buried on the monitor._

_Kara replied, "I know,"_

_The room went quiet again, and in that moment Kara started thinking those calming green eyes. She'd been panicking, breathless and then all of a sudden she'd been saved. She remembered that moment, being held closely in those arms and staring into those amazing green eyes. She missed that, rising from hell in the action of being sucked into heaven. The only part that Kara hated about it was not knowing the name of such goddess._

_"Do you think I'll ever see her again?"_

_Alex furrowed, never taking her attention away from the monitor. Could Kara not feel anything about Lena? She did say that she had feelings, so how could she not have any about Lena?_

_"Do you want to?"_

_"Yes," the answer was quick, and Kara added, "my feelings for her seem different than the ones that I have for you. You know? She seems like...I don't know, it's just very intriguing. I feel empty without her here with me, like I need her in my life or I'll lose some part of me, which is weird," Kara giggled, "because I don't even know who I am,"_

_"Mhm," Alex nodded, lifting a light from the table to check Kara's pupil dilation._

_"What if I never see her again?" There was no instant response to that, Alex walking back over to the resting hero._

_"I need you to sit up for me," said Alex._

_Kara followed the command, blue eyes meeting with brown ones. This was the first that Alex had seen this look on Kara's face. She'd been both curious about Lena and worried about her. It was weird, but then again Lena was probably the first and last person that Kara saw before this happened which could only mean that if Kara was in danger of never remembering anything, she wasn't in danger of forgetting Lena forever._

_Maybe this was a solution? Maybe if Kara managed to gain her memories of Lena, who she desperately wanted to know, she'd gain her memories of everyone else naturally. Or maybe that's what Alex hoped, only because it was the only solution that she'd come up with so far. Lena Luthor was the answer to this, or maybe she could help find the answer. Either way, she had to be involved or Kara wouldn't even want to know who she is._

_"You'll see her again," Alex turned on the light, looking into the first eye. Then she moved over to the next, glancing over at the window in the action where she'd seen Lena finally show up. "Alright," Alex mumbled, turning off the light, "stay here and I'll be back in a few to run more tests okay?" Kara nodded and Alex returned a smile before glancing over at Lena who continued to chew at her extremely short nails, biting them should've been impossible. Alex made her way out of the room, closing the door behind her as she released a sigh and looked directly into Lena's worried green eyes._

**—Present—**

"I find it hard to believe that you just let a possible suspect take Kara out of the city," J'onn stared at Alex who rested on the island in the lobby of the DEO.

The space between them grew silent, Alex staring down at her calasped hands that rested on the island. It was hard to believe, even she hadn't believed that it was something that she'd ever do, but then again she knew that she had her reasons. She found that she trusted Lena only because Kara did, which was pretty shocking given all of the evidence that practically piled up on Lena every single day making her look guilty for everything that she was ever blamed for.

"Lena isn't a villain," the red head replied, "and if Kara, without her memory, can believe that then so can we,"

J'onn scoffed, "we found Mal in her lab along with all of her research. Lena created a device based upon Mal's powers and she helped intercept the DEO,"

Part of the reason that Alex had wanted Lena to take Kara home with her was because she was sure that it would've kept Lena out of the lab so that Brainy could collect some more clues of why Mal was there in the first place. And they did...and still...Alex refused to believe, for Kara's sake, that Lena was in fact a villain. There had to be a reason for Lena to have been working with a murderer. Shadow, that's what they were calling her, was a murderer and Lena helped her break into the DEO to collect another murderer. Yet, she _wasn't_ a villain.

"I understand that," said Alex, "but there's something going on between them. Lena is the reason that Kara's like this. You and I both know that she could've easily gotten out of that block of ice, and the only reason that she didn't, that I can think of at least, is that she was using her physical pain to distract her from the pain of losing Lena,"

J'onn nods, his eyebrows furrowing in the action. His mind worked in that moment, pulling pieces together that eventually formed a _possible_ solution. But before he said anything, or even thought of this as a solution, he thought carefully about how this would change everything. If Kara gained her memory of Lena, there was a chance that she'd go through the memory loss a second time for the same reason.

"What if, hear me out, this isn't Lena's fault?" Alex looked up into J'onn eyes as he spoke. "Think about it, Kara hates kryptonite but she was surrounded by it in that ice. She could've gotten out of it easily, but instead, she forced herself to forget about losing Lena, which lead to her forgetting everything about Lena and everyone except for her feelings,"

"Are you saying that Kara suppressed her own memory just so she wouldn't have to endure that pain?" Alex questioned.

J'onn nodded, "it makes sense. All of the memories that she's uncontrollably getting back are only good right? This is her escape from all of the negative things in her life, plus we know she doesn't handle loss well especially not after losing you,"

Alex chuckled, raising a brow as she removed her weight from the island and dropped her hands down to her side.

"Well if I'd known that Kara loved Lena that much we could've come to this solution sooner,"

"But now that we have, what are you going to do about it?"

The red head shrugged, "the only thing we can," and added, "give her some time to get over it...even though it could take a while,"

Though he didn't agree with it, J'onn didn't say anything. Giving Kara time to realize what she's doing, forgetting everything, could take forever. The only way for this to be made right was if Kara was full aware that this was happening because she was hurt that she had hurt someone she loved more than she ever knew.

"Are you sure?"

"Unless I want her to be permanently brain damaged, I don't think I really have a choice,"

**———**

By now, the sun was setting, the sky a rang of beautiful but dull orange, yellows, reds, and blues. Kara was also driving. She figured that after Lena stopped talking to her that maybe it would be nice for the woman to skip the awkward silence by taking a nap. They stopped for coffee so that they could switch places, the coffee now sitting in the cup holder cold at this point.

They were about an hour away from their destination, fifty minutes away to be exact. Kara stopped for gas, and then continued the journey, Lena still peacefully sleeping. Or at least Kara hoped that she was sleeping peacefully, unbothered by the horror of nightmares including Kara's betrayal which she _still_ knew nothing about.

Every thirty seconds she would nervously drum the steering wheel and glance at her sleeping passenger, sighing desperately. Kara found herself missing Lena's voice, whether they were agreeing with each other or disagreeing it was an amazing sound to hear. How it switched pitch along with her mood and sarcasm. How she made each, _shut up Kara_ , sound differently every time she said it. How she made, _Kara_ , sound every time she'd said it. _Angelic_.

There was no radio, so only the sound of the engine and Kara's repetitive steering wheel drumming snuck up upon the silence. So, Kara started to hum which immediately turned into low and soft singing. At first, it was Taylor Swift’s ‘Lover’, but then it turned into Cèlin Dion’s ‘My Heart Will Go On’. And with each verse, Kara’s voice seemed to have matured as it had gotten louder, but not too loud.

“Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on,”

Or at least she thought she hadn’t been too loud, Lena on the other hand had woken slowly from her nap but at the realization of it being Kara’s voice that woke her, she paused. It was Lena’s favorite song, but she didn’t remember telling that to Kara like this, so again, Lena had wondered how these things were becoming known to the blonde.

“I never understand love songs,” Kara says, sure that she’d just been talking to herself and very much unaware that Lena was wide awake and listening, her green eyes eyeing everything they’d passed on the highway. “I mean, how could you possibly let someone you love go? Or stop fighting for them, it’s impossible. I don’t even understand love now that I think about it,”

The blonde furrowed her eyebrows as she’d turned off the highway, shortly turning onto a road that she immediately knew lead straight to Eliza’s place which was now only forty two minutes away.

“It’s one of the most complex emotions.” She continued. “It hurts, but love is war. You never know what you’re gonna get out of it, or how long it’s gonna last it’s...unpredictable and I think I like it like that,”

Lena still hadn’t said a thing, her eyes no longer planted on what was out the window but what was on the glass rather. Kara’s lit reflection, smooth skin glistening in the bright moonlight. She was wise, but Lena knew that already, she just hadn’t paid the amount of attention that she should’ve. She didn’t know how much Kara paid attention to her neither. But it seemed like Kara knew things, things that Lena didn’t tell her, specifically her name. She wondered if it were Alex who told Kara, but then again Lena didn’t believe that she’d been prominent enough to pop up in any of Kara and Alex’s conversations. So, the woman shrugged the curiosity off, still refusing to let her driver know that she was awake.

They were thirty six minutes away now, Kara practically dying to wake Lena up from her nap so that they could talk about _something_ , anything. The blonde looked over to her left, meeting the reflection of Lena’s green eyes in the window. She smirked before turning her attention back onto the road but Lena never looked away. If Kara hadn’t been driving, and _that_ had happened in the back seat, Lena was sure that this time she wouldn’t have broken eye contact if she’d been caught staring because at this point there was _no_ point in denying it.

“Hey,”

Lena rose and adjusted her seat, finally looking away from the window and facing forward. She knew exactly what she was doing, purposely ignoring the greeting with a cocky smirk on her face. How was she supposed to just ignore the fact that Kara was _just_ singing her favorite song? She couldn’t, and she most certainly wasn’t if Kara pretended that it didn’t just happened.

“Hi,” Lena responded, her attention switching from the road to the driver. This was probably why Lena wanted to drive, because she knew that she’d stare...a lot. It was her turn now, to imaginarily trace her friend’s nose, studying her carefully. “How long do we have?”

“Thirty two minutes,” the answer was quick and short, Lena still staring.

She began to wonder how it was that Kara, a _true_ beautiful soul, had come to love her. It was no longer about a Super and a Luthor because they were past that. Because this wasn’t Supergirl and Lex Luthor’s sister, this was _just_ Kara and Lena. Kara who, without the weight of the world on her shoulders and her best friend by her side, was glowing and shining with a smile that gave Lena butterflies. Lena who, without the weight of work, failed miserably at distancing herself from ever believing that she was incapable of being loved.

How could she continue to believe _that_ with Kara sitting here, reveling in Lena’s so called _angelic_ presence? There was no way that Lex was right, not when the feelings that Kara have are _still_ here. With little to no memory of Lena, Kara _still_ believed in everything that she did before all of this. She _still_ believed that Lena was good, worthy, honorable, lovable, caring, selfless, kind, generous, _gorgeous_ and so on. And the best, or worse thing, Lena didn’t really know, was that there _were_ reasons. Lena wanted to know those reasons now, but it would be far too intimate if she’d asked about them right now.

Right now wasn’t the time. Not when it was dark like this, when Kara still smirked like that, when the car was quiet like this, when Lena still stared like that. Both of them could feel it, the thick tension that rested itself on Lena’s heart to keep it from beating so fast, because in a time like this it wouldn’t be so surprising.

“So...” Kara broke the silence, never taking her eyes off the road while Lena never took her eyes off of Kara, “I have a confession,”

“Oh?” The brunette cocked a brow, her voice unintentionally, but expectedly, doing things that it shouldn’t for Kara. It was very flirtatious, the response, but neither of them said anything.

“Remember when we were at the DEO, and I said your name?”

“Mhm,” Lena nods slowly.

“That was the moment that I realized how much you meant to me,”

“Mmm,” her eyes squinted as she hummed, and though she hadn’t expected that, she definitely wasn’t surprised. And still, Lena hadn’t turned her eyes away from the blonde.

“I knew absolutely _nothing_ about you, but somehow I just knew that your name was Lena, that it had to be and if it wasn’t I probably would’ve been very upset with myself for not asking you first,” the blonde smirked, “it makes me wonder too, what I did to you, and I know that I’ve apologized for it already but I’m really sorry,”

There was no response and Kara looked over into the green eyes, only for a few seconds though, before looking back onto the road.

“You like this don’t you?” Kara’s smile widened.

“There are over...” Lena took a deep breath, surprised that she had still been calm, “a million things that I find enjoyable right now, would you mind being specific?”

Kara looked to her left again, “ _this_ ,” and then back onto the road.

“ _This_?“ Lena squinted again. “ _This_ car ride? _This_ broken silence? _This_ moonlight-“

“Me,”

“ _You_?” Her smile suddenly stretched, eyes still buried on the focused woman. “Did you ever think that I didn’t?”

“Did _you_ ever think you didn’t?” Kara answered with a question, taking another quick look at the green eyes. “It’s changed now, but when we were in National City you looked at me like you wanted to hate me,”

The smile was gone now, Lena finally looking forward towards the road, “because I did want to hate you” she answered, “...and I thought that I had more than one reason. I hate being wrong, so just imagine how devistated I am to find out that I don’t have _any_ reasons to hate you... _unfortunately_ ,”

With that, Kara smiled.

“ _Unfortunately_ ,” she responded to Lena’s sarcasm. “Yeah right. But I wasn’t talking about _me_ , I was talking about me _pouring_ my heart out to you while we’re....fighting? I guess, I don’t know what this is because you’re really unpredictable,”

“Like love?”

Kara burst into an unexpected laughter, causing Lena to smile back at her.

“Like love,” the blonde took a quick look at her passenger with a smile so bright and wide that it could end wars. “Did I wake you with my terrible signing?”

“Yes,” her dramatic responsed caused Kara to laugh again, “my ears are still ringing,”

The blonde scoffed, eighteen more minutes left and she’d been making the second to last turn towards Eliza’s.

“But no... I don’t like you pouring your heart out to me because it gives me less reasons to hate you,”

That was...far more relieving to the both of them than it should’ve been. For Kara to know that Lena didn’t hate her, that she couldn’t hate her, was good. Her smile was gone now, but it was for a good reason. She was happy and excited in many ways, more than she’d ever thought possible, to get her memory back. All she wanted was to remember everything about Lena that there was to know. But first, she had to ask.

“Do you want to hate me?”

Lena blinked, she’d never thought about it like that, “when you hurt me, yes. But a wise woman once said that love is war...” Lena looked to Kara again, “and if that’s true...then for you I’ll be a soldier,”

Kara nodded, biting her bottom lip in a failed attempt to hide a smile. The car was quiet again, both of the women with their eyes on the road. Lena could _never_ hate Kara, and she practically just spelled it out in bold letters. It was good to know.

Eleven more minutes, possibly of silence, left until they reached Eliza’s. There was no telling where Kara and Lena’s minds were now. Both of them were probably imagining how things would be when Kara got her memory back. If they’d be better or worse. If Kara would still mean the things that she’s saying and if Lena meant the things that she said.

These unknown variables were currently making Kara anxious, so anxious that she started to squeeze the steering wheel, not too hard though. Her breath shortening little by little until it almost became noticeable that she’d been having a panic attack. _Almost_.

“ _I killed my brother for you, for our friends, don’t you understand what you’ve done?_ ”

The blonde furrowed, her head throbbing, but she couldn’t stop the car because it would make everything too obvious. She didn’t want Lena to know that this was happening, that she’d been failing in the process of remembering _everything_ about Lena that she _already_ knew.

“ _I’m Supergirl...I’ve always been Supergirl_ ,”

Kara’s heart dropped and she stared blankly at the road, tightening her jaw muscles along with her grip on the steering wheel as she let out of heavy, though unnoticeable, breath.

“ _I’m not a villain...you shouldn’t have treated me like one_ ,”

Her eyes started to water and she refused to look to her left, swallowing hard as she struggling to catch her breath. Nine more minutes. Nine more minutes until she’d gotten out of the car and gotten as far away from Lena to clear her mind as she could. Everything was so quick, everything just rushed into her head but she feared that saying something would only end badly.

**———**

Two more minutes. By this time, Kara had calmed. Well not technically, but she did at least manage to breath correctly. Her eyes were forcing pain to hide behind that unexpected happiness that she’d endured during the car ride. They hadn’t argued once and Kara wanted to keep it that way, she wanted to keep it that way the entire time that they’d been here but the only way to do that was to be the amazing actress that Lena knew her to be. But that would only make things worse wouldn’t it? Lena would hate to find out that Kara was lying to her again. But Lena couldn’t hate _Kara_ , she could only hate what Kara does.

The blonde made the final turn into Eliza’s driveway, calming at the sight of her mother standing outside on the porch with a soft smile on her face as they’d made eye contact. Kara began to wonder then if Alex had already told Eliza about her situation or if she only told Eliza to expect her. Either way, Kara had a bit of explaining to do.

She brought the car to a complete stop, switched gears and then removed the keys as she looked over to Lena who had been removing her seatbelt as she’d looked out of the window at the yard.

“Lena?”

“Yes,” Lena immediately turned to the blue eyes. Kara licked her lips, slowly reaching for Lena’s hand, placing it into her own.

“I love you,” she says, “and I want you to know that whatever happens, I’ll _always_ love you.”

After everything that had just happened in the car, hearing that felt different this time. It _looked_ different and it seemed deeper...it _was_ deeper, they both knew it. Kara thought that saying it would erase all of her unintentional flirting, but it only made things worse. It only made her realize that without Lena she didn’t know who she was. She pushed herself to forget Lena and in the midst of doing so she pushed herself into forgetting herself.

“I know,” Lena replied, refusing to say it back. She knew for a fact that she couldn’t do it, not now. Not when Kara was looking at her and touch her like _this_. Lena knew, that by now, saying _I love you_ was no longer a friendly thing. This was the moment that she realized why it hurt so much to have Kara betray her.

Lena has _never_ loved or cared for anyone the the way she loves and cares for Kara. She went against everything she ever stood for just by letting Kara in. And she’s _still_ letting Kara in, she’s _still_ letting Kara be there even though she isn’t in her right mind because without Kara, Lena would be lost. It took her a while, but she knows that now. She knows that no one will _ever_ have a heart as big as Kara to be able to love someone so complicated. Even without her memory, Kara _still_ loved Lena and right now...that was the only thing that mattered.

“Good,” Kara nods. Lena returned the gesture and smiled as she placed her other hand on top of Kara’s.

“But this is about you,” Lena says, “we’re here for you,”

“ _You’re_ here for me,” the blonde nodded again, “but I’m here for _us_ ,”

With that, Lena shook her head jokingly and removed her hands from Kara’s hold so that she could open her door. The fresh air rushed into the car as Kara’s hand fell onto the glove box where she’d kept them as she watched Lena close the door and head for the porch. Kara found it unbelievably amusing that she could smile with the simple knowledge of Lena knowing that she loved her. At least Lena didn’t think that Kara hated her the way Kara believed when she watched Lena leave the fortress.

Kara opened her door, pressing the the button to pop the trunk before she’d gotten out. She smiled and waved at Eliza who’d been pulling Lena into a hug as she walked to the back of the car to retrieve the luggage. Doing this was meant to distract her, to keep her from forcefully excusing Lena so that she could talk with Eliza alone, to tell her that she’d been better but the conversation with Lena lasted far too long.

“Hey,” Eliza’s smile was stiff and she refrained from hugging Kara immediately like she’d normally do.

“I have feelings,” Kara says, “and I’m very offended that you’d assume I don’t want a hug from you,”

The older woman laughed, genuinely and pulled her daughter into a tight hug. Lena folded her arms at this sight, happy to see Kara happy just as she was to see Eliza happy. It was good to know that Kara could still be joyful under these circumstances, and Lena internally applauded her for that. Her hope and optimism.

When the hug ended, Lena excused herself, took the bags from Kara, and entered the home so that Eliza could have some time with Kara and hopefully it would help. But then again, Lena wasn’t ready to spend four hours in the car again. It was very uncomfortable, especially when she’d practically been dressed to impress. Her body ached, her feet the most from the brand new pair of heels that were barely broken in to and she wondered how she would ever make it up the stairs. Her back was the second most irritating thing, probably from the way she angled herself on the seat. She shouldn’t have napped, maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much.

“I’m sure you guys are starving,”

“Yes,” Kara replied, closing the house door behind her

Lena practically groaned when the two voices entered the house. She wanted to sit down and take off her shoes, maybe even shower and go to bed. Anything to keep her from witnessing Kara get her memories back.

“Well, you guys make yourself at home while I get some dinner started,”

In that moment, as Eliza passed Lena in the living room, Kara had grabbed the bags again. 

“I’ll take these upstairs, be right back,”

Lena nodded with that, and boy was she a clown for thinking Kara wouldn’t have used her supersped. She was back, _already_ , plopping down on the couch while Lena had still stood not too far from the door.

“Are you okay?” Kara stared, noticing the _almost_ cringe worthy walk that Lena had been doing on her way to sit down.

”Yes” she answered, “I’m just a little sore for those five hours, but I’ll be fine,”

“Do you need to lie down?”

“I’m fine,” Lena sat down next to Kara on the couch, closer than she was back at her apartment, with a soft smile on her face. “Are _you_ okay?”

Kara nodded, staring back into the green eyes, remembering how they had comforted her every time she felt unsafe. The fortress, the elevator, the car, here. Eliza’s _make yourself at home_ seemed unneeded because Kara was always home if Lena was there with her.

“Always,” Kara smiled back, “I’m a soldier,”


	5. But There’s Still A Flame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So fun fact, I name the titles of each chapter but then it changes after I finish typing up the chapter. This one was one of my favorites and the title goes along with a line that ‘someone’ says, if you can figure it out you’re amazing and if you can’t you’re still amazing. Enjoy ;)!

Dinner was awkward. Tasteful, but awkward. All the women practically sat in silence, which was _very_ surprising actually. Kara seemed to be excited about the trip, but Lena saw that Kara took less interested in Eliza than she did in anyone else. Kara knew that it was because she didn't need to ask any questions about Eliza, since she had her memory back. Lena, however, had no idea. She expected some nerd joke or weird pun from Kara, but nothing happened. Instead, Eliza and Lena would start short conversations about work or something that they assumed would be of Kara's interests but nothing worked. She ate slowly, and then disappeared from the table leaving Lena and Eliza alone after saying goodnight.

"Well," Eliza sighed, gathering Kara's empty dishes and placing them on top of her own.

"I'm sorry," Lena mumbled, gathering her own dishes together.

"You have nothing to apologize for,"

 _If only that were true_. Even if it wasn't completely her fault, Lena was still guilty for playing some sort of part in this. No matter what Alex said, she still felt guilty. How could she not? She did take away everything that Kara's worked for, and fought so hard to keep. It was the worst thing that anyone could do, take away who a person really is. Lena knew that feeling, not knowing who you are or what your purpose is, because she's going through it now. Without Kara, who was Lena? A Luthor prehaps, because it’s the only thing that Lena could ever be without Kara if she'd pushed the woman away. Which she did. And even though Kara said, multiple times since her incident, that she'd always love and be there for Lena, Lena didn't believe it...and she wouldn't believe it until Kara looked into her eyes said it again and again and again.

"She wasn't like that in the car," Lena says, both of them getting up to clear the table. "I mean, she practically annoyed me the entire way," she joked, a soft smile on her face.

"Yeah," Eliza nods, "Alex told me that she was different with you. She um..." the woman glanced at Lena, dumping the leftovers from the plates into the trashcan, "she told me everything actually. I'm assuming that she's different with you because you're the first and last person to see her?"

Lena's actions were slower now, full of shame, she stared down at the floor. If she hadn't already, she definitely felt like a villain now. It was hard for her to ever even think about believing that Alex trusted her enough to allow her to be around Eliza without giving the woman a heads up. It hurt, but she deserved it so the only thing that she could do-had to do was suck it up and be a woman about it.

"I'd like to think so, but Alex said that Kara could've been using her physical pain to distract herself from the pain of losing me," Lena replies, "if that's true then I have more to apologize for than I thought-"

"She could've gotten out,"

"But she didn't...because of me,"

After clearing the food from the dishes, Eliza began to load the dishwasher while Lena helped. She didn't know how to respond to that, but she didn't want Lena to blame herself for a choice that Kara made. Yes, Lena played a part in this but Eliza knew that Kara was a fighter and that in the end she was going to be okay.

"When Kara talks about you, and trust me she does it a lot, she speaks as if you're fragile. Not in a bad way." Eliza pointed out. "She was always so determined to make sure that you were okay. That you were eventually able to see that no matter what, you weren't the kind of person your family wanted you to be. You are your own person who's swimming in a pitch black cave, drowning in someone else's mistakes and since you can't breathe you can't tell anyone who you really are. You just let everyone, including yourself, define you for your family's mistakes. But Kara," the older woman closed the dish washer and searched for the green eyes which were wet when she'd met them, "Kara is Supergirl, she has X-ray vision, so these walls that you're trying to put up? She can see right through them, if not that then she'll punch her way through- _whatever_ it takes to find out who you really are and she's done that. You're not a villain, stop pretending to be one,"

Or maybe not? Lena was confused, until she let that sink in. Maybe Alex and Eliza did trust her? Or maybe it was just Eliza. She didn't know what to believe, Lex's truth, _or whatever the hell that was_ , mocking her as it echoed through the back of her mind, or this. She feared that if she let herself believe any of this that she'd be the fool that Lex saw her as. Even though she had a pretty high IQ and was known as the smarter Luthor.

Lena still hadn't responded to Eliza's speech because she didn't know what to say, so they continued cleaning up the kitchen in silence. When they had finished, Eliza told Lena that if she needed a drink to help herself before she said good night and headed for bed.

She didn't _want_ a drink, but she could definitely use one. So, she helped herself. Three hours into playing her little drinking game, Lena found herself sitting down on the couch going through the second family photo album. The bottle of wine was nearly empty, the last full glass in Lena's hand as she'd flipped through the book. By now it was one-thirty-six in the morning and she hadn't even thought about sleep. Even with the alcohol in her system, she could still feel the way her body ached, and yet...here she was. Staring at pictures of baby Alex.

Another hour went by, two-forty-three now, and Lena was still wide awake. She'd finished a bottle of wine and moved to the next one, her back buried into the cushions of the couch while she stared up at the photos on the wall. She'd completed all of the albums, so this was all she had left. There was no emotion at all displayed on the woman's straight face, she just stared. Her mind perfectly unclear of Kara Danvers, the best and worst thing that's ever happened to her.

There were so many things that Lena wanted to say to Kara, this time starting and ending with an _I love you_. But even when mentally unstable, Lena knew what that would mean. She knew that Kara's _I love you_ was different each time she said it. Lena could tell, that in this small amount of time that Kara has known of her, she'd fallen. And again, Lena wondered about those reasons. Why did Kara love her so much? She needed to know.

More time went by, and while Lena was drowning her sorrows, Kara was sitting up from her pillow looking over at Alex's empty bed where Lena was supposed to be sleeping. Kara listen carefully, assuming that Lena had fallen asleep downstairs until she heard the gulps. The blue eyed woman pushed the blanket from over her body and got out of the bed, her fuzzy pink socks touching the hardwood floor. She slowly left the room, and then headed down the stairs.

"You're still up?" Kara stepped from last stair, approaching Lena who looked back at the sound of the calming voice.

The brunette raised her hand, "still up," she nodded, sipping her wine.

Kara sighed, picking up both the empty and half empty bottles of wine and putting them away. Then, she went back over to Lena, taking the glass from her hand and placing it on the lamp table.

"This is the second time in a row that you've stayed up drinking," Kara mumbled, taking a seat next to Lena on the couch, "but everytime I ask you if you're okay, you tell me that you're fine. _Clearly_ , you're not," in the action of searching for Lena's eyes, Kara took the woman's hand into her own, "so talk to me. Please?"

Lena pulled away from Kara's touch, almost immediately, taking a deep breath as she struggled, desperately, to hold back the incoming water works. She didn't want to talk, or she did but the things that she could say right now while she was like this would be bad. _Extremely_ bad, especially with Kara's condition.

"Lena?"

"I was in love with her," Kara was confused, but she knew that the only way to eventually get Lena upstairs to bed was to listen to whatever it was that she was about to say next. "It took a while to figure it out but when I did she betrayed me. I was in love with someone else, or at least I thought I was, while I was still getting over a heartbreak...and you?" Lena scoffed, reaching over for her drink and sipping. "You're the reason that I left Metropolis, I left my boyfriend for you,"

"I'm-"

"It's confusing," Lena nodded, "I know. I'm getting to that. The news was on while I was leaving, packing my things, and in the middle of our argument I blurted _I could be the Luthor who gets to share her home with a Kryptonian_. I didn't believe it, I still don't, because I was pretending for so long that I wasn't good enough. Not good enough for Supergirl or for Kara Danvers, but Kara showed me things that Supergirl never could. I was swimming in a dark cave, drowning in my family's mistakes...and then I met you," her eyes watered, noticeably now, "and you lit up my entire world. You were my—my torch...and I blew you out with all of that heavy wind that I sucked in because of everything that I had been through and I am so sorry,"

"You don't have to apologize-"

"Look at this!" Lena gestured you their surrounded, her voice not too loud. "We're here because of me, you don't know anything because of me, and when you remember you're going to hate me! I _lost_ you, Kara,"

There was a hesitation, but Kara had to say it eventually. The thing was, she didn't know if Lena would remember it in the morning or not. She stood up from the couch, brushing the bridge of her nose before flipping her hair and giving Lena her full attention.

"This is my fault," Kara says, "I was the one who selflessly decided to lie to you for years. I was the one who convinced you that I was different from everyone else when in reality I was the same bad guy that you've been running from for years. _I_ was the one who couldn't bare the thought of losing you so I forced myself to forget everything, specifically all of the pain that I've caused you but I know now that it only made things worse and I am so sorry that you had to put up with me. I am _sorry_ that I have no idea of who I am without my best friend, my _soulmate_ , by my side. I need you in my life, but not as bad as I want you. And ever single thing," it was unintentional, she could've sworn, but Kara got down on her knees, placing one of her hands on Lena's waist and the other on her thigh, "that I said when I didn't have my memory was true. I meant it, and I still feel the same way...you didn't lose me Lena. If anything I'm the one who's lost you,"

Lena sniffled, looking away from the blue eyes that looked up at her. Her thumb softly caressing the soft hand that rested on her thigh. Everything seemed to be so right, it seemed to be so real, but Lena knew that no matter what kind of war she was fighting Kara would always be against her. She had the idea that she would still feel worthless to Kara, even when Kara looked at her like this. As much as Lena would like to believe everything, she knew that she was in fact incapable of being loved. It was impossible, that's why this hurts so much, because Lena knew from the beginning, she even tried to run from it, how this would end.

"I'm sorry," Lena mumbles, her eyes meeting with Kara's again and she'd reached to wipe away the blonde's tears, "I’m just a little...you know," then she added, "can we talk about this when I'm sober?"

"Of course," Kara nodded, a crinkle of determination on her forehead as she'd removed her hands from Lena's body and stood up from the floor. She wiped her eyes again, "I'll um—do you me to help you upstairs or do you just want a blanket?"

"A blanket will be fine,"

**———**

She was calm, as calm as you would expect someone who's been staring at the ceiling all night. Eyes wide, hands resting on her stomach, she was calm. Her eyes adjusted to the beautiful light that lit her room as the sun rose, while her body tensed more and more at the thought of having to do _that_ again. Kara knew that when the sun was up and they were alone, she and Lena would _have_ to have that conversation... _again_.

 _Good things came out of this, right?_ Kara squinted. At least Lena was here...though it was selfish to think, but Kara was selfish when it came to Lena. She hated how much Lena doubted Kara's love for her, and how much she'd doubted the love she'd had for herself. Kara knew, even without her memory, that Lena had trust issues, it only made her realize how bad they'd been now. She felt trapped now, slamming her eyes shut and taking a deep breath.

As of now, the lines of Kara's future were blurred because a very important factor of her life was in danger of becoming lost. She knew what was on line and that there was no time for _this_. There was no time to be lying down, waiting for Lena to wake up, Kara should already be down stairs with a cup of coffee in her hand for Lena so that they could go ahead and get this out of the way, but that wasn't happening. She just wanted to give Lena time to think about it. There was no way that she had _completely_ misunderstood the words that had come from Kara's mouth earlier, Lena just needed time but was afraid to ask for it because she feared that they didn't have any. Lena feared that their time was up, that her chances were up, the moment she'd walked out of that fortress.

"Kara?"

The blonde opened her eyes and sat up a bit to see Eliza who'd opened the room door. There was a smile on her face as she'd furthered herself into a room, a hot cup of coffee in one of her hands. Kara hadn't expected this, not this early anyways, but this could probably be her opportunity to tell Eliza that she had her memory.

"Good morning," Kara replied, clearing her throat and resting her back on the headboard.

"How'd you sleep?" The older sat down next to Kara on the bed as she'd handed her the hot coffee.

"I didn't really," Kara answered, "I have a lot on my mind...especially now,"

Eliza's look said everything. It said that she was afraid to ask Kara what it was because she'd feared ruining something. It said that she felt in some way at fault for whatever this was. It said that she was hopeful though doubtful. But Kara couldn't let that bother her now. Not when she was almost herself again. _Almost_.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

 _No_. But even _she_ knew that saying her problems out loud would somehow make it better. Kara knew that Eliza was going to give her some kind of good advice or some kind of hope or something that would make her feel better and get her spirits lifted.

"I remember," Kara says, eyes glued on the steam that left the hot cup, "I remembered how it felt to be trapped...I remembered..." her chest filled with air and she let it all out in one shaky exhale, "I remembered what it felt like to watch something-someone you love so much walk away. I heard your guy's conversation last night and I hate that she's blaming herself for this. _I'm_ the one who convinced her to trust again and step into the light, but it was all useless because I hurt her. Everything is different now and I'm not sure that it's ever going to get better,"

"But it will," Eliza nods, placing her hand on Kara's knee, "I know you. I know that you don't give up on anything, especially, something you're so passionate about. That's one of the many things that I love about you, your optimism. You see things that other people don't," then she added, "you saw that Lena was good and you showed her that. I know that right now it may not seem like she believes everything you believe about her, but I'm sure she does. And if she doesn't...she has you to remind her,"

"What if I can't?"

Eliza smirked, "you're Supergirl," she says, "you can do whatever you want,"

"Well I don't feel so super," Kara replied, finding her mother's eyes. "Lena is like a sun to me, and without her I don't feel like I'll ever be at full capacity again. You know that feeling?"

With that, the room grew silent and Eliza glanced down at her feet. Of course she knew that feeling, but she'd gotten over it because she had more than one _sun_ , Kara and Alex. Losing Jeremiah was one of the best things that's ever happened now that she's thought about it, because if he hadn't left she wouldn't have Kara. But she couldn't explain that because this was different.

"I do," their eyes met again, "and it gets better. All you have to do is fight. No matter how bad this may seem now, there is always a light,"

In that moment, Kara thought back to last night, attention immediately fixated on Lena's _I was in love with her_ that was followed by a _I could be the Luthor who gets to share her home with a Kryptonian_. It was off topic, she knew that, but she'd been very curious as to whom Lena was speaking of...because if she meant Supergirl then that would be bad. So, hopefully, that wasn't the case.

Eliza let out a sigh, one of slight relief as she'd massaged Kara's knee before standing up from the bed.

"I have to run into town to pick up a few things-"

"I could do it," Kara was quick on her feet, "I mean I _could_ use some fresh air and doing productive things helps me clear my mind,"

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," she nods in response.

It took less than five minutes for her to get ready and Eliza has already texted her the list. When she'd gotten down stairs, the timing had almost seemed orchestrated, because Lena was walking into the house. Kara wanted to go out because she wanted to avoid Lena until she gathered the courage to have _that_ talk again.

"Hi," Lena smiled, rubbing her hands together to get some friction going.

There was something different about her, Kara noticed it almost immediately. Her skin was practically lit up like a Christmas tree and Kara wondered why. Normally when people spend a night drinking they sleep in or have massive hangovers. But maybe Lena was probably used to that, which was definitely a bad thing. Specifically for her health which Kara did seem to worry more about than she thought.

Little white dots were scattered all over Lena's clothing, more so on top of the black beanie that she'd been wearing.

"Hey," Kara replies, "are you-"

"Yes," Lena nods, "I was just trying to beat traffic while everyone else were trying to beat the snow, which created traffic," the woman started to remove her gloves as she walked near the unlit fire place, "and it just got crazy out there. Long story short, I failed my mission at getting cookies for National Cookie Day,"

"National Cookie Day?" Kara's eyes widened, then she gasped, "that's a thing?!"

Of all the years that she'd been on earth, you'd think that someone who loved food so much would know about this. But in many ways, Lena was kind of excited that she hadn't. It brought a wide smile to her face as she giggled at Kara's astonishment.

"Yes?" Lena chuckled. "How do you not know?"

Kara shrugged, "I don't know, but I'll get them. Give me four minutes ,"

"Okay-"

Lena's wavy hair blew as Kara sped out the door. It's probably going to be a while before she gets used to that. If she had the time to get used to it. Then she started to think, the only way to avoid this inevitable conversation all was to ignore the elephant in the room. Lena was good at it, it was practically her job, but Kara? Not so much. Lena lifted a lighter from the top of the fire place to light the firewood that was already inside. The heat instantly gracing her chills with warmth and comfort.

For a moment, she stood there, rubbing her hands together until they'd been completely warm. She glanced back at the couch, knowing for a fact that if she'd sat down that she and Kara would _have_ to talk. Not that she didn't want to go on and get out of the way, but because she was worried about the outcome. Lena was so confused, even her intoxicated self knew that she was confused. She'd expected Kara to be gone by now. There was no way, that after everything, Kara _still_ loved her. It was impossible because Lena was impossible to love. She was a Luthor, and Luthors' don't get happy endings. Her entire life revolves around her last name, how could she have ever believed that with Kara it didn't?

This was just a simple disaster. They'd never get anywhere, because they just kept taking steps backwards every time they tried to place a blame on themselves. Was it Kara's fault or was it Lena's? No one knows, and only one of them is actually listening to what's really happening. You'd think it would be the literal world saving genius, but it's not.

Lena continued to stare at the couch, taking a deep breath while trying to figure out what was taking Kara so long. It was supposed to only be four minutes, but it seemed to have been a bit longer than that. Lena knew that this talk needed to happen with both of them in their right mind. So, she slowly approached the couch where she sat down on the end. She'd been tense for a moment, but there was a feeling that consumed her as she'd recalled Eliza's words from last night _Kara is Supergirl, she has X-ray vision, so these walls that you're trying to put up? She can see right through them, if not that then she'll punch her way through_.

She knew that. It was one thing that she was sure about, not to mention how obvious it was. If it hadn't been true then what was the point of this? Why was it so hard for her to walk away then? The answer was simple...because Kara wouldn't let her, and she never has. Anytime Lena tried to give up or believe in something that wasn't true, Kara was there to guide her back into the light. They had to fix this, and they had to do it soon.

Lena looked up immediately when the door was pushed open, greeted with a Kara covered in snowflakes while carrying more than just two baskets full of cookies. Lena didn't say a thing, making it a priority to not jokingly criticize the large amount of cookies while Kara placed the things that she grabbed from Eliza's list down on the kitchen table.

"I spoke to Alex while I was out," Kara says, "I told her that I'm...almost me again,"

" _Almost_?" Lena furrowed. "Did everything not come back?"

"It...I just think that it would be nice to spend another night here before we go back to all the chaos," the blonde carried a basket of cookies towards the couch and placed them in between her and Lena as she sat down and met with the green eyes, "unless you're ready to go back,"

"I think I'll do anything to avoid spending five hours in the car with you again," Lena joked, both of them laughing. But, when the laughter died, Kara stared at her lap, ignoring the delicious smelling cookies that sat in between them as she started to fiddle with her fingers. Lena knew exactly where this was going when she'd noticed the smile slowly fade from Kara's face.

"Last night..." and there it was, "last night you said that you were in love with someone while you were with Jack,"

_Oh?_

"Ummm-"

"You don't have to talk about it," Kara waved, "I was just making sure that I heard it right,"

"But I want to," Lena says, "that was the very first time that I've said it out loud. _She_ doesn't even know," the brunette looked away, fiddling with her own fingers as she stared forward into the fire place. "Love makes you vulnerable. It opens up your chest and opens up your heart, allowing someone to get inside of you and mess you up...and it hurts like hell. It hurts knowing that the only person you have to hold you close and keep you safe is the same person that you don't trust.."

Kara's eyes shut softly and she let out a deep breath. It took her so long to gain Lena's trust and now it's just gone because she wanted to be selfish.

"Or the same person that you want to hate but you just—Kara I _cannot_ bring myself to hate you," the green eyed women shifted her visual attention back towards Kara, who still hadn't made any eye contact. "And every time I try to convince myself that I do, you give me another reason not to. I keep telling myself that I don't trust you but I've already used that watch twice. I mean...I jumped off a cliff, not knowing how to swim, and having put _all_ of my faith in you. You're different from anyone else that I've met in my entire life, unique," her eyes watered as she added, "and it is _truly_ an honor to be loved by you,"

By this time, Kara had looked up into the wet green eyes.

"I want to be vulnerable with you, and I want you to be vulnerable with me," Lena reaches for the basket of cookies, lifting it and sitting aside on the lamb table so that she could move closer to the other woman. "Not just as Kara Danvers, but as Kara Zor-El. I want to know who Kara Zor-El is. I wasn't ready to let someone else into my life but I will if that person is only the other half of you,"

She didn't know what do say to that so all she could do was stare. Kara was trying to process everything at once without realizing that this was Lena asking for another chance without actually saying it. This was Lena opening her heart, again, to someone who's betrayed her. This was Lena saying that she was willing to fix this. But what really touched her was knowing that this was Lena facing her greatest fears, _again_ , and allowing herself to keep trusting and loving after everything that she's been through.

It only showed how strong and pure she was. It only highlighted how beautiful her soul really was and how big of a heart she had. And no matter how big, this was Lena showing that there was only enough room for Kara.

"Okay," Kara finally says.

And from there, it went. The lines of Kara future were clearing up, but it wasn't clear enough. There were still things that needed to be said. Both of them knew that there were still things that needed to be said, but they ignored it. Only Lena thought about how far boundaries went with their new relationship status, _it's complicated_. How long would it take for them to just say it, they both knew...well...Lena knew. Kara only knew that her feelings were different and unfiltered. She only knew how intimate everything that Lena had just said made her feel.

They would never be the same now, not when both of them were feeling _different_. Not when they knew that there was something else, because it _was_ something else.

"I forgive you,” the blonde nodded, “and I’m with you,”

Lena smirked, “always?”

“Always,”


	6. Half a Woman: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So COIE happened, don’t know how to feel about it. Though it did kind of give me a few ideas for the next chapter (not this one), enjoy;).

They couldn't believe it, neither of them, that they'd managed to sit down in the living room _together_ without saying _those_ things. Because there were still things that needed to be said. There were reasons that needed to be mentioned, that wanted to be heard. Why couldn't Lena just say it back? Why couldn't she just tell Kara that she loved her with everything that she had? Why was it so hard? Lena was normally a blunt person, honest with Kara any chance she got so why was this so hard? All it is is eight letters, yet, they were so hard to say. Lena was a literal genius who couldn't even form a sentence with the word love in it. Not today at least. Not _now_.

The second basket of cookies was nearly at a close at this point, separating the two women on the couch whilst sitting in the middle of them. The tv was on, Eliza was outside shoveling snow, constantly begging Kara to not help her, no one paid attention to the tv. Not the entire time at least. Lena wrote and read emails, trying her best to do as much work as she could so she wouldn't have to when they got back to National City. Kara texted with James, simply just checking in on him because she missed more than she thought she would have. Kara knew exactly what she meant when she said that she loved Lena without her memory. It was like her feelings were all just heightened and Lena was the major factor for that. It didn't feel new neither, just found.

Lena closed her phone after sending that last email, ensuring that her actions went unnoticed. She'd turned slightly to her right, greeted with the sight of Kara slowly eating cookies while texting. Lena stared at the blonde's side profile, melting completely without even trying...without even thinking that it was even a possibility and it was so annoying how off guard Kara had always caught her. Lena was in awe, but it couldn't last too long because she would never allow it to.

Her heart started to race right along with her thoughts. How confused must Kara still be? Lena was giving her all of these mixed emotions, stating over and over again that she'd loved Kara without actually saying that she loved Kara, but instead she mentioned how she _wanted_ to hate Kara. Then she would be the one to set an imaginary boundary, knowing that she'd always be the one to cross it first. Lena was confused herself, and maybe she wanted to be. Maybe she wanted to pretend that she didn't know the answer, but she knew the answer to one of her own question. She just needed to know the answer to her other questions.

She wondered why she didn't want Kara to give away her heart. She wondered why she hated it so much that Kara loved her so much. She wondered why she loved that Kara loved her, that she was capable of being loved by someone as amazing as Kara. A woman who had such a big heart and such beautiful mind that couldn't even compare to the _world saving genius_. Kara was also a world saving genius...Lena's world saving genius perhaps. Yet, Lena wondered how she was supposed to love Kara if she didn't even love who _she_ was herself.

"Are you okay?" Kara smirked, eyes still buried into her phone's screen. Yes, she still found Lena's nervous heart beat funny in a good way. And Kara knew that if she'd looked over to Lena that Lena would look away because that was just something that she does. Almost as if she was far too intimidated by Kara's blue eyes. Or just Kara in general.

"Yes," Lena nods, "I was just thinking... _over_ thinking maybe." The brunette began to fiddle with her fingers, refusing to remove her eyes from Kara's face.

"Overthinking?" The response was slightly hesitant, but she seemed ready. She wanted to know what was on Lena's mind, hoping that it was the exact same thing that was on her own. Kara turned off her phone, leaning forward to place it down on the coffee table before turning to give Lena all of her attention as she rested her arm on the back of the couch. "About what?"

Lena turned her body, following Kara in resting her arm on the back of the couch _surprisingly_ without breaking away from the submissive, yet dominant, blue eyes. They both stared a moment, Kara being as patient as possible. She squinted her eyes a bit, smirking, which caused Lena to smile and break eye contact.

"Sorry," Kara says, "am I distracting you?" She stared for a moment, admiring the sparkle that tried to hide behind those green eyes as Lena looked up again.

"As if you have to ask," the brunette replied. She looked away again, realizing what she'd just said.

Kara wanted to laugh, she did. She thought that it was adorable how nervous Lena was. She wasn't used to this because normally it was the way around. Normally it was Kara who broke eye contact while Lena searched for it, but this was different. Everything about them, the vibe, it was all just so different. Not to mention Lena's heated cheeks. Yes...she was definitely blushing.

"Am I good distraction?"

Lena scoffed, "seriously? Is this a Kara Zor-El thing?" She questioned, looking back up into the blue eyes. "This attitude?"

"Why? Is it distracting you,"

 _Yes_.

Lena wanted to say it, but she refused to continue to boost Kara's ego, though she did find it... _very_... what's the word? Oh yeah it was, _a t t r a c t i v e_. Oh god. Kara's ego was attractive. Lena found Kara's ego attractive. Kara had an ego...a big attractive ego that Lena found attractive.

"No," the brunette lied, regaining her composure, "it's just new. Normally you're the one who can't form complete sentences,"

"Oh," Kara raised an eyebrow, "and now you can't?"

"Would you like to know what I'm over thinking about or not?" Lena cocked a brow, her face as serious as she could make it with the urge of smiling.

"Okay, sorry. Yes," Kara nods, "I would like to know what you're over thinking about. Even though I'm sure I can make a pretty good guess. But go on,"

Lena was also sure that Kara could make a pretty good guess, but she'd rather say it herself. Even if it was hard, because it was. Asking wasn't the hard part, the answer was. But she needed to know, otherwise they'd keep having this conversation and she'd keep walking away from it as if she knew how everything would end.

"I just wanted to know how you knew,"

That was a lie. Or it was at first, but after saying it out loud Lena found herself actually wanting to know the answer to that. Kara knew exactly what she'd meant too, instantly trying to figure it out herself. She began to wonder how she knew that Lena's name had to be Lena, or how she knew who Lena was. About the trust issues and the pain that she'd endured. Could it have just been a feeling? Maybe.

Kara shrugged her shoulders, breaking eye contact as she glanced down at her furry yellow socks that swept against the hardwood floor as she'd almost unnoticeably swung her foot. She thought thoroughly about it, wondering how it was that she'd known. The answer was already on the tip of her tongue, it was already in her head, it was just there and it's always been there.

"Well," the blonde met with the green eyes again, "spoken by someone who's lost her memory...I guess you're just a hard person to forget,"

"And the reasons?"

"If I tell you mine will you tell me yours?"

"Maybe,"

The blonde chuckled, smiling softly at the woman before her. They both knew that maybe meant yes. Especially with context of this conversation, Lena's maybes' meant yes. And with Kara, they would always mean yes. As the space between them grew silent, the smile from Kara's face faded slowly and she broke eye contact, staring down into her lap.

"I think it was easier to talk about them without my memory because I didn't know that there was a chance that I could lose you," Kara says, eyes still on her lap.

Lena stared, curious now as to why Kara would ever even assume such things. Maybe it was because Lena was never in the right head space to admit to Kara that she was never going anywhere. No matter what. She showed it rather, but sometimes actions means so much more when they're lead by words. If Kara was prepared, ever, to hear those words then maybe they would've had this conversation sooner. Kara would know how much she meant to Lena and Lena would accept how much Kara meant to her.

"I was confused and I was trying so hard to figure out why I loved you so much, but the answer was right in front of me the entire time," Kara looked back up into Lena's eyes, "you're just amazing," she shrugs, "in more ways than you know and it really annoys me that you don't see how great you are. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. After everything that you've been through, I see that some part of you still has hope and I admire that. Hell I love that you're obsessed with rocks," they both laughed at that, "I love that you get excited over the smallest things and that you're so passionate about everything you do. I love how you've always found yourself standing in the light even when you started off in the darkest places. I love your smile, your laugh, your wisdom, your compassion, your brilliant mind and I don't know what it was that I was expecting when I first met you, but I do know that I would've never imagined this. You blinded me too...caught me by surprise and I..."

Kara paused and licked her lips, breaking eye contact once more. Lena furrowed, searching for the eyes again, anxious to see what Kara was going to say next.

"You what?" Lena questioned. If Lena could only hear how fast Kara's heart was beating now, she'd know that she wasn't the only one who got nervous at times like this. "Tell me,"

The blonde looked back into the green eyes, bitting down on her bottom lip in a failed attempt to hide her smile. _There were still things that needed to be said_ and what Kara was thinking was definitely one of them. A confirmation and it could've been so easy, but she had to stop. _Damnit_.

"I'm glad that we found each other, and I'm glad that I didn't listen to anyone else when they tried to tell me that you were bad for me because if I did then I would've missed out on this...on us,"

Lena stared blankly. _Us_? What did Kara mean by that? It couldn't have been what Lena was thinking, could it? Of course not. Obviously _that_ was too good to be true. Obviously Kara was still confused about something unless that wasn't what she going to say. It didn't seem like that was what she was going to say because you don't need to take a breather to say that. It was definitely something else.

"What about you?"

In this case, _maybe_ almost didn't mean yes. Maybe meant, _any other time that wasn't now_. Or at least that’s what Lena wanted it to mean, but it was remotely impossible for her to ignore those blue eyes that were currently filled with such hope and optimism. How could she possibly say any _reason_ without saying _it_?

"How did I know?"

"What are the reasons that you can't hate me?" Kara was careful in her wording as she responded, knowing that Lena refused to say the words _I love you_. This was the closet that she'd get to that.

"Well," Lena took a deep breath, "it's hard to say,"

It was a good thing that Lena had abandoned the blue eyes because otherwise she would've witnessed Kara's disappointment with the answer. Kara knew where this was going now, and so did Lena. She was backing away from it, just as she had last night. It was almost as if she believed that she'd confided enough for one day. Like she had nothing left to say, even though she was the one who started this conversation. She could've lied. She could've said that she was thinking about something or someone other than Kara, but instead she was honest. Which was, unfortunately, a bad decision because now she _had_ to talk about it.

Luckily though, Kara's phone interrupted the seemingly awkward silence with its loud vibration. The blonde leaned forward and reached for the ringing device. 

"Hello?"

" _So good news and bad news_ ," Alex's greeting caused Kara to roll her eyes and Alex took the silence as a road to continue. " _The good news is, Brainy and I figured out who the shadow thingy is, calls herself Acrata and she also works for Leviathan. The bad news is that her real name is Andrea Rojas...your new boss_ ,"

Kara instantly looked over to Lena. Surprisingly, there was no anger in her eyes. The blonde had instantly assumed that there was a good reason for Lena to keep that a secret away from her, if she even knew about herself that was.

"Okay," Kara nods, "did you guys apprehend her?"

" _That's why I'm calling_ ," the red haired woman responded with a sigh, " _she's hosting a gala tonight in celebration of one billion CatCo subscribers. Now, I know that you said you needed an extra night at mom's to fix things with Lena, but, we kind of need you to cut the trip short_ ,"

"Of course," the blonde nodded again, "we're on the way,"

" _Alright, I see you guys tonight. It starts at nine_ ,"

When the line ended, Kara stood up from the couch and started to walk off without any intention of saying anything about Andrea. But when she stopped to take a deep breath, Lena sensed that something was wrong.

"Is everything okay?" She questioned, staring at Kara's backside.

"Andrea's hosting a gala for CatCo tonight and Leviathan is going to be there," Kara's says, ensuring that she was vague but not too vague. "Alex needs us to be there too so we have to cut the trip a little short,"

**———**

The entire mood changed from the moment Kara had gotten that phone call from Alex, even when they packed, even when Kara held open the passenger door for Lena, even when they said bye to Eliza. Everything was just different. Lena could see it, she could feel that something was wrong but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t know what happened, if Kara was being vague or not, but she did know that Kara only tapped on the steering wheel for the last thirty minutes that they’d been in the car out of anger. She also knew that this wasn’t Kara Danvers, but Kara Zor-El and that they weren’t the same.

Lena could see that this was both anger and annoyance in which Kara failed miserably to filter. She didn’t even wear her glasses, her hair wasn’t even tied up. Even Kara knew that she wasn’t Kara Danvers right, but Kara Zor-El instead. She didn’t look at Lena once since the phone call, neither did she say anything. They shared no words, no eye contact, no smile, Kara didn’t even answer to Lena’s fast beating heart. Not that she didn’t care, it was just that she knew that if they started a conversation they’d end up somewhere they didn’t want to be. More specifically in an argument, but that was only if Lena knew that Andrea was Acrata.

It would be weird if she didn’t, if they went as far back as Lena said and Andrea had kept that secret from her. Maybe that was what Lena meant when she said that Andrea betrayed her, it could be why she took Kara’s betrayal so hard. Which definitely meant that Lena knew something and with that thought, Kara gritted her teeth before biting down on her tongue but it was useless. This was one of the moments where she found herself despising the fact that she’d been Krytonian.

If only Lena knew how to get out of this, how to turn down the annoying radio and focus on whatever the elephant in the _car_ was. She hated that Kara was so quiet, that she’d been bothered by something and all Lena wanted to do was make it better. However, she was afraid. Simply hearing Andrea and Leviathan in the same sentence annoyed her as well, probably more than it did Kara. But that wasn’t her fear, her fear was finding out that Kara knew that Lena knew that Andrea was Acrata. If Kara knew that she’d say something, right? The fact that it was a question probably meant that the answer was no. It probably meant Kara that was trying so hard to hold her cards close to her chest, but it was obvious to both of them that she hadn’t been too successful.

Another thirty minutes went by and Kara had officially completed the first hour of the drive, an entire lecture partying on the tip of Kara’s tongue yet to be said. Lena was working on her phone again while Kara focused on the road, never breaking away. But that wasn’t until her phone vibrated in the cup holder. The screen was facing her so that when it lit up and she looked over to it she could see Alex’s name.

 **Alex** : _Lena_. **2:42pm**

That was it. That was the message, and after reading it, Kara glanced at Lena for the first time before lifting her phone from the cup holder. She clicked on the notification and went directly into the message thread to reply.

 **Kara** : _?_ **2:43pm**

When the message delivered, Kara dropped her phone into her lap and waited patiently for a response. Her fingers moved more rapidly than before on steering wheel, the sound of them grabbing Lena’s attention as she heard it over the subtle music. Kara’s phone vibrated again, and she checked it almost immediately. 

**Alex** : _She recalibrated the phantom projector and held Malefic prisoner_. **2:45pm**

The blonde tightened her jaw muscles, glaring at the road ahead shortly before another incoming message grabbed her attention.

 **Alex** : _J’onn thinks that she used Mal’s Q-waves to help Acrata intercept the DEO. It makes sense, but there has to be more to the story. We trust her...right?_ **2:46pm**

 **Kara** : _I do_. **2:47pm**

 **Kara** : _But I’m assuming you don’t if you have to ask_. **2:47pm**

 **Alex** : _With everything going on can you blame me?_ **2:47pm**

 **Kara** : _Loaded question_. **2:48pm**

After that response, Kara dropped the phone back into her lap. _Loaded question_? Alex was definitely offended by that, and she should be because Kara meant to offend both herself and Alex. If Alex was questioning her trust for Lena then she was questioning her trust for Kara all while doubting her judgement of character. Then the phone lit up again, this time Lena looked over to Kara after the light flashed in her face.

 **Alex** : _Ouch_. **2:49pm**

And again.

 **Alex** : _I’m just trying to look at the bigger picture here, okay? It was hard enough for me to ask her to go with you to Eliza’s as it is. I don’t have your hope and optimism and she’s not my best friend. With all of this crap piling up on her, we just have to be cautious._ **2:51pm**

The blonde scoffed and shook her head in both annoyance and disappointment after reading the second message.

 **Kara** : _Isn’t being cautious the reason that I didn’t tell her that I was Supergirl in the first place? Look where that got me_. **2:51pm**

 **Alex** : _Locked in a block of ice that radiated the only substance on this planet that could kill you? Yeah, I know_. **2:52pm**

She couldn’t respond to that. There was no way that she could respond to that without Lena noticing that she’d been raging on the inside. Or at least that’s what she thought, because Lena _did_ know. Lena could see that Kara’s anger was so longer under a pile of thick mud, but floating on the surface.

 **Alex** : _You lost your memories for what? Two days after that all because she wanted to retaliate against you like a Luthor?_ **2:52pm**

 **Alex** : _Is that what’s gonna happen everytime you guys have a disagreement? I mean how long will it be before she uses Kryptonite against you for real?_ **2:53pm**

“Are you hungry?” Kara locked her phone and dropped it back into her lap, eyes focused on the road as she’d finally decided to speak to her passenger. “I’m hungry, we’re gonna stop,”

And they did. Kara took an exit from the highway and took a long road to small cafe that she and Alex would normally come to on their way to and from Midvale. They had three hours to kill, so this stop wouldn’t hurt anything. Even if it did, Kara found herself not caring. If Alex really needed her to be at the gala she could easily fly there in a heartbeat without worrying now how Lena would feel about her disappearing.

Kara ordered for them both while Lena reserved a booth for them. She found herself becoming nervous by Kara’s change in attitude, her annoyance with something, more specifically, her annoyance with whomever it was that she’d been texting because _whoever_ it was definitely made _whatever_ it was worse than it was before.

“Here you go,” Kara slid into the booth and handed Lena a coffee.

“Thank you,” the brunette responded lowly. 

Then there was the tapping again, but this time Kara was tapping the cup of coffee as she stared out the window and bit down on her bottom lip. Lena watched, far more curious than before now and she let out a sigh.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” She asked, tilting her head to get a better look at the woman who sat across from her. Then it was Kara who sighed, turning to meet the green eyes.

In that moment, Lena knew exactly where this was going. She knew that she was not looking in the eyes of Kara Danvers, but in the eyes of Supergirl. Supergirl who judged her on the very premises of her last name. Supergirl who was far more stubborn than Kara Danvers. Supergirl who believed that Lena walked on a tight rope, trying her best to balance the weight of both good and evil. Supergirl who looked at her like _that_. Almost as if she’d been a villain.

“I feel like you know the question that I’m about to ask,” Kara answered, burying her back into the read leather bench of the booth.

“I feel like you know the answer that I’ll give to the question,” Lena was calm in her response, sipping her hot coffee, “that’s why you haven’t said anything while we were in the car,”

“And why didn’t _you_ say anything in the car? Or anytime before that?”

“The same reason you didn’t ask,”

“Which is?” Kara quirked a brow.

And Lena responsed, “because you trust me,“

Kara rolled her eyes and looked out the window again. _What did that mean_? Lena wondered, suddenly feeling some kind of unwanted sadness consume. She was confident in her answer, but Kara’s actions seemed to show that she shouldn’t have been and in more ways than Lena ever thought possible she felt embarrassed. Embarrassed for over estimating Kara’s feelings towards her, specifically her trust. Embarrassed for ever thinking that a Luthor could be fully trusted by anyone. It hurt her to know that in any moment where she seemed guilty, Kara Danvers wouldn’t be there, but Supergirl would. Judging her.

Her eyes watered. She really wanted to believe that all of what she’d just been thinking wasn’t true, but the only way for that to be confirmed was for Kara to look at her again.

“You trust me...right?”

Kara immediately wiped away all of her annoyance at the sound of Lena’s shaky breath, turning to face the green eyes once more. Kara hated that Lena had to ask that, and she hated more how Lena would feel if the answer to that question were ever to become no.

“Of course I trust you,” an honest answer, “more than you know, but Alex doesn’t and _that_ is why I’m upset. Andrea is-or was your friend and that wasn’t your secret to tell. I know that whatever you’ve done, or whatever you’re doing, your intentions are always pure. Even if no one else sees it that way,”

If Lena hadn’t known before, then she knew now that this was one of the reasons that she couldn’t hate Kara. It was because Kara couldn’t hate _her_. Kara loved Lena so much that it could substitute for the love that Lena should’ve had for own herself.

“I don’t need an explanation because I trust you,” as Kara spoke, she reached out and placed her hand on top of Lena’s, squeezing softly to ensure that Lena could feel her presence. “And I don’t want you to feel like you have to explain yourself to me because you don’t owe me anything. Okay?”

Lena nodded, returning the squeeze to Kara’s hand. Every single day Kara showed Lena more and more that her love was not fake nor temporary like everyone else’s. She showed that her trust was genuine, that her intentions with Lena were always pure. Even without her memory, Kara showed that her intentions were pure. That her smile was real and that only Lena could make her smile like that and in this moment, the moment where the suns bright light captured the depth of those honest blue eyes so perfectly, Lena knew for a fact that she couldn’t let this one get away. This was the moment that she knew _exactly_ what Kara meant to her, the moment where she knew that she didn’t just love Kara...but that she was _in_ love with Kara.

The realization overwhelmed her and she knew exactly why Kara smiled so brightly as she slowly removed her hand. Lena’s heart was racing again, and somehow she knew that it would always be a highlight of Kara’s day. But if it made Kara smile like that, then Lena didn’t mind being nervous around her.

The tension was gone now and they ate peacefully without it ever interrupting them again. Then they were back on their way to National City after only killing an hour out of the three. The car was still quiet this time around, but Kara hadn’t been tapping the steering wheel this time. Thus, Lena knew now that she only did that when she was either nervous, pissed, or annoyed. Perfect observation, but what was even better was that now Lena also knew that Kara couldn’t look at her when she wanted to keep something away from her. Hence the stolen glances that didn’t start to happen until after they left the cafe.

Lena was thrilled to know that Kara wanted to hide her bad side, afraid that Lena would start to see her only as such. But Kara shouldn’t worry too much about that because Lena could never see her beacon of hope as a bad person.

**———**

Finally, four hours later at exactly seven thirteen, Lena had arrived home after dropping Kara off at her own place. They’d spent so much time together that it felt unnatural for them to be apart, even if they did know that in less than two hours they’d be reunited at Andrea’s gala.

Kara thought about how everything would go down, how everything would be different after tonight. There was just something in her that knew that something was going to go bad. She just didn’t know how. She didn’t know if it would between herself and Lena, or herself and Alex, or Alex and Lena, or Andrea and Lena, it was just really complicated. Kara had no clue of the context of Andrea and Lena’s relationship, all she knew was that Lena used to love her and that their love vanished all because of some betrayal. Kara didn’t want Andrea to be a villain, mostly because she knew that it could hurt Lena more. Whether Lena still had feelings for Andrea or not, you can’t ever un-care for someone if you _truly_ cared for them. And obviously Lena still cared for Andrea just as much as she’d still respected her which would partially explain her reasoning for helping Andrea keep her secret in the dark. Kara respected that. She had to.

In the midst of unpacking her things, there was a knock on the door and there was no doubt at all that it was Alex. Which was weird because Kara hadn’t texted Alex that she was home, unless she went out of her way to use the tracking device. Kara opened the door without making the slightest bit of eye contact with Alex as she walked back to continue what she’d been doing. With that, Alex entered and closed the door behind her.

“This is what I get for trying to protect you?” Alex scoffed, approaching the island where she placed down the black clutch that matched her dress. There was no answer, instead, Kara rushed into the bathroom where she quickly did her makeup and styled her hair into a low bun. “I know that Lena is your friend but Kara, we have to look at everything here. I mean she held J’onn’s brother in her lab to run experiments on him and it would be different if _you_ knew why, but you don’t which means that she’s keeping secrets that could possibly put the city or the entire universe in danger,”

Still, Kara hadn’t said a word. Instead, she super sped back and forth from the closet to the mirror trying on different dresses. It was the seventh one that really stood out to her, which made her change the shade of her lipstick to a soft red to match the sleeveless skin tight red dress.

“I don’t want to jump to conclusions-“

“But that is _exactly_ what you’re doing,” the blonde left the room after choosing a pair of red heals, “if anyone should be pissed at her it should be me because if she really did help Andrea intercept the DEO then that call that she made to me was nothing but a distraction. She used me, but you don’t see me jumping to conclusions do you?”

Alex couldn’t respond to that because Kara was right. Both of them knew it and there was no denying it. If Alex had known about that, she would’ve never started to jump to conclusions so quickly. Though this still didn’t explain Malefic nor Rip Roar’s location. What if Lena was experimenting on him too?

“Okay,” Alex nodded, “but explain Malefic. Explain to me why we had to retrieve myriad of all things from her lab,”

“How did you know that I was here?” Kara ignored Alex’s words.

“Lena texted me,”

“Mm,” Kara scoffed, glaring at her sister. “You know I’m a grown woman right? Why would Lena ever think that she needs to let my sister know that she’s dropping me off at home? Oh wait I know, because you don’t trust her. She _wants_ you to trust her Alex, and her efforts are only so small because she’s afraid of rejection. I understand that you’re just doing your job but Lena is our family and it wouldn’t just hurt her to know that after almost four years you’re still judging her by actions that she shouldn’t be held accountable for, but you’re hurting me too,”

Alex broke eye contact, refusing to watch Kara glare at her like that as silence crept into the apartment. Kara waited for a response, but she knew that it would probably be a cold day in hell before Alex came to her senses and gave Lena another chance. So she just continued.

“How about instead of trying to prove that Lena is guilty of something, try to prove that she isn’t. That’s what’s wrong with the government today, all you guys see is red. Even though we both know that if it were Kelly you would do everything in your power to prove her innocence,”

With one last glare, Kara walked past Alex and left the apartment. Yes, Kara understood what Lena was capable of just as much as she understood that all Alex was trying to do was protect her, but she hated Alex’s commitment to work if it meant choosing her job over family. Kara would never do that. Boy was this going to be a long night.

**———**

Kara showed up an hour early along with a few other people, one of them being William who she purposely avoided. She busied herself by eating her life away and by the time she was done, there were no more potstickers. Kara really needed to talk to someone about something and normally it would be James or Winn, but neither of them were here now. She was stuck in between the two most important women in her life and she couldn’t talk about it. It was annoying.

The blue eyed woman turned her attention from the crafting table and out into the large, yet half empty, ballroom where her eyes immediately landed on Andrea who was chatting with some old man. Kara stared as they shook hands and then parted away from each other. When the man walked off, Andrea turned towards Kara and their eyes met unintentionally. There was no physical reaction, but on the inside Kara was freaking out. She didn’t expect to see Andrea so soon, especially not when she didn’t have any back up with her yet. Not like she needed it.

They stared for a moment, a moment too long, and Andrea realized that neither of them were going to break eye contact anytime soon, Kara’s foolish mistake, because her boss was definitely walking her way now. What the hell was she supposed to say?

“Kara?” Andrea smiled widely. “I haven’t seen you for the last few days, I didn’t expect you to be here,”

The blonde chuckled nervously, “I didn’t expect me to be here neither,” she responded, “but here I am...in the flesh,”

“Right,” the host nodded, “well enjoy yourself and congratulations to us,”

“Ye-uhh wait a second,” Kara held up an index finger as she adjusted her glasses on the bridge of her nose. There was something that had come to mind on such short notice, something that didn’t seem to have made any sense so she had to ask the question the second that it popped into her head. “You came to the DEO to warned us about Rama, I thought you were working with Leviathan,”

Andrea’s lips parted, she was about to say something, but instead, she laughed nervously before forcing a fake wide smile on her face.

“ _Kara what the hell are you doing?_ ” Alex blurted through the coms but Kara igrnored hee and focused on Andrea.

“I’m sorry I don’t—I don’t know what you’re talking about,”

“Oh come on,” Kara scoffed, “don’t give me that. I’m trying to help you. I know that you’re Acrata,”

Again, Andrea stared, looking around the half empty ball room before walking closer to Kara and lowering her voice.

“Even if that were true, how are _you_ going to help me?”

The blonde turned to the crafting table and reached for a glass of wine before facing the blue eyes of her host again. She stared into her glass, swirling the drink before blowing into it with her freeze breath.

“I’m Supergirl,” she replied, looking back up into the blue eyes of her host as she cocked an eyebrow, “how do you think?”

Andrea was confused, excited, but confused. Supergirl was literally her idol and this entire time she was...Kara Danvers? Someone who Andrea showed little to no respect to every since she’d been in National City? She stared and Kara stared back, waiting for her to say something, anything. She seemed to be hesitant, her lips parting again with no words exiting. Until they did of course.

“So this entire time...”

“This entire time you’ve been treating me like crap and I could’ve literally flicked you into outer space,” it was alarming to both of them how wide Kara’s smile was when she’d said that. Andrea grew far too intimidated by Kara’s presence. “Now,“ the blonde looked over Andrea’s head and up at Brainy who’d been with Alex before looking back down into Andrea’s eyes, “I’ve been best friends with a CEO for almost four years and she taught me that begging was an unnecessary thing when you can simply negotiate. So, by the end of the night Andrea Rojas will be on a flight to Europe after Acrata is apprehended by the DEO. _Unless_ you tell me everything you know about Leviathan,”

“If I talk-“

“If you talk, I’ve got your back because unlike the government I’d rather prove one’s innocence rather than their guilt,”

Alex swallowed hard while staring over the golden railing and down where Kara and Andrea spoke near the crafting table. She was ready to just arrest Andrea but it was obvious that Kara was taking this case personally.

“Agent Dox,” Alex turned to her left as she watched Kara walk off with Andrea, “tell everyone to stand down. Supergirl’s got it,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kara Danvers? Daddy Asf
> 
> Lena Luthor? Sexy Asf
> 
> Andrea Rojas? Hot Asf
> 
> Alex Danvers? Daddy Asf
> 
> Supercorp? Endgame!


	7. Half a Woman: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, finals are a b!tch, but happy new year Supercorp whores ;)!!!

Alex downed her second shot of the night and then placed the empty glass down on the crafting table. The ballroom was practically crowded this time around, the entire building prehaps, especially the parking lot. Alex debated heavily on taking more shots, but this wasn't just a celebration, it was also work. And with that, the woman let out a sigh before peering into the thick crowd for Kara's bright red dress but the search was useless. After disappearing with Andrea, Kara hadn't been back inside of the ballroom. At least Alex didn't see her. Okay maybe one more. One more turned into two and Alex's fourth shot of the night was down. She knew that it was going to sneak up on her, and she'd hoped that by the time it did she was already home and Andrea was already apprehended.

One more?

"Alex,"

 _Damnit_. Alex turned, a familiar voice brushing past the loud music and making its way into Alex's ear. Lena was standing there, her own fingers intertwined as she forced a stiff smile on her face. It was obvious to them both that Lena was nervous about something. Intimidated prehaps. She seemed to have found herself being sucked up into Alex's stubbornness and in dire need of Alex's approval. Lena knew for a fact that no matter how good her relationship with Kara was, she would always need Alex's approval to be completely happy because Alex was her friend too. Like the sister she never knew she needed.

"Hey," Alex mumbled, wishing that she hadn't taken those shots so early just to have something to busy herself with now because now was definitely the time to have one. "How was the trip?"

"Intense," Lena huffed. "For me at least. We had a lot of...disagreements and are too far away from a makeup,"

"Mmm,” Alex nodded awkwardly, clearing her throat, “how did she...remember?"

Unlike most questions, Lena truly believed that she would never know the answer to that. She went into deep thought, tracing back the moments and remembering that she was drunk when Kara told her that she remembered everything, but there was no way that it could've happened without Kara having some sort of odd reaction. Then Lena remembered.

"I think it was the moment that we'd arrived, maybe even before," Lena says, staring down at her intertwined fingers, "she told me she loved me when we were getting out of the car but it was different from the other times that she said it. Almost as if she thought that it would be the last time. And I didn't even say it back,"

Alex searched for Lena's eyes, but the brunette kept her head down. The things that Kara said earlier echoed in the back of Alex's head _she's afraid of rejection_. In this moment, Alex could see that Lena was so guilty that she managed to torture her own self and Alex wasn't making it any better, and she couldn't because she didn't trust Lena. No matter how much Kara did.

"She also told me that you don't trust me," the brunette finally found Alex's brown eyes, "and I don't want you to because you shouldn't, hell, I don't even trust me, and to be honest I probably never have...I've made a bed, and now I'm going to lie in it, but please spare me the horror of confusion from telling me that I'm not a villain when you don't believe it yourself,"

Lena broke eye contact almost immediately and reached over Alex to grab one of the glasses of wine, though she definitely needed something stronger, and walked off. Now if only she could say something along those lines to Kara. If only she could gather the courage to lie like that, to tell Kara that she still didn't trust her and that she hadn't forgiven her. 

Alex took the last three shots from the table and marched away so that she couldn't be compelled again. The hardest part about this was Kara's love for Lena, how it blinded her. Even Lena knew that she didn't deserve that kind of love from Kara, she didn't even trust herself and she admitted it right there. But Alex knew that even if Lena spelled it out in kryptonite that Kara still wouldn't be able to grasp the fact that she and Lena were done and that there was no going back. Lena crossed a line, and the only way for Kara to see that was is if she opened her damn eyes but it seemed like she closed them every time someone pointed out that Lena was guilty for something. Almost like Kara _needed_ Lena to be good.

**———**

They were standing outside on a balcony, Andrea staring down at the lit city while Kara stared at her as she spoke. She believed everything that Andrea said, even if she barely understood it when the woman started to cry. Her eyes were puffy around this time and the cool wind didn't help with that. Russell was dead all because Andrea hadn't followed an order. She was supposed to keep the medallion, but instead, she'd given it back to Lena, and knowing the risks, Lena took it.

Andrea was now stuck in an in between, confused on whether or whether not she should be a villain and follow through every step of the way with Leviathan's order with no hesitation. In the moment that Andrea had admitted that, Kara knew that she was no villain, but a woman who's trying to do right by not just her family but also her friend. Not to mention she risked her life to save people that she hadn't even known, including National City and to Kara, that was a hero.

"I was foolish to ever believe that I'd get something good out betraying my best friend," Andrea mumbled and Kara began searching for eye contact but it was no use, "I was the only person that she trusted and I betrayed her. Even though I apologized to her for everything, I still feel like I owe her more than that. I _know_ that I owe her more than that. Lena's a good woman, with a huge heart, and it's people like me who makes her believe otherwise. If I could take it all back then I would,”

Kara's eyes immediately abandoned Andrea's side profile as she glanced over out into the city and leaned on the railing. She couldn't relate to anyone so much more in her life, and once again her guilt was highlighted. She was only guilty for lying, but innocent of not loving Lena enough because that wasn't the issue. The issue was her selfishness.

"I wouldn't," Kara broke the short silence before gazing up at the stars, "I keep replaying in my head how different things would be if I had just told her sooner, but all I see is people using that against her and using her against me. I don’t want to go back in time because I learn from my mistakes and I don’t like to cheat. Going back is cheating...” 

There was a pressure that caused her to pause, something pushing all of its weight on her chest. She needed to say it out loud one time, just one time and maybe the pressure will go away. Maybe everything will make sense to her.

"When I first got to earth I was lost, but my sister, Alex, she made me remember who I was. That I was Kara Zor-El and not Kara Danvers. Alex reminded me everyday that I was an alien, she was the one who accepted me and made me accept that part of myself and I love her for that. But Lena...Lena was the first person to ever make me feel like I was Kara Danvers. She makes me feel human. She makes me believe that Kara Danvers isn't just Supergirl's mask, but a branch grown from the roots of Kara Zor-El...and I love her for that-more than I thought I did,"

Andrea turned to face Kara, even she knew what was coming next.

"Did you tell her that?" Andrea asks, breaking the full silence with a low voice.

"No," the blonde replied. "I've tried, but she just makes me freeze up. I fear that no matter what I do or say I've lost her forever, but I don't want to give in to that. I want to believe that somehow she'll see how much I love her. Even if she doesn't want to be friends anymore, I just want her to know how I feel but the best way to do that is to show her because..."

"...because once you mess up with her she doesn't hear anything but lies,"

"Yeah,"

"She has trust issues and we didn't make it any better, or at least I didn't," Andrea shrugs. "You still have a chance because while I chose something else over her, you always chose her. You're _still_ choosing her. Just like I always chose Russell,"

It was quiet again and Kara took a deep breath. She never thought she'd hear that from someone else, that she would always choose Lena, and that itself said a lot. Even Andrea, practically a stranger, could see how much love Kara had for Lena.

"Do you ever think of how much she loves you?" Andrea broke the silence. Kara's eyes were still planted on the full moon with Andrea's question pulling her completely into deep thought.

No. She's never thought about that because she was busy thinking about how much Lena would hate her. And even though Kara was relieved when Lena said it was impossible to hate her best friend, Kara was still convinced that she needed to fix something. No matter how many times Lena said she'd forgiven Kara, Kara knew that there was something else that needed to be said and that she was the one who needed to say it. Maybe that was why it took so long, why she was so selfish after all these years. She's never felt this way before, the need to protect one person for the rest of her life. The need to show her love physically and verbally. The verbal part didn't happen yet, but it could. It _had_ to.

"No," the blonde answered aloud.

"Then maybe you should," Andrea checked the time on her watch before sighing and placing a hand on Kara's shoulder. "I have to go meet with William. I hope everything works out with you and Lena,"

Kara flashed a fake smile, her eyes still focused on the full moon as Andrea vanished from the balcony. How was she supposed to know how much Lena loved her without hearing it from Lena? She didn't want to imagine that Lena's love for her was the same as her love for Lena because if it weren't true then it would hurt.

_"Okay, but what if you could be anything or anyone else in the world. Who would you be?"_

_Lena giggled, using everything in her power to not look over to the right where her best friend stared at her. They were walking through the park, both of them bundled up in scarves, hats, jackets, and gloves. It was a cold winter day in early January and the snow was both light and unexpected._

_"I don't know," the brunette smiled._

_"Come on," Kara scoffed, "a role model or something. I know for sure that Lena Luthor gets her inspiration from someone,”_

_That was true, and with the fact Lena shoved her hands into the pocket of her black trench coat as she stared down at her feet while they continued to walk. Her heart began to race and the pressure was on. She was shy, and a little afraid to answer the question fearing Kara's reaction to it._

_"Honestly?"_

_"Honestly."_

_"Well," Lena flipped her hair and finally looked up into the shiny blue eyes, "you're right. I do get my inspiration from someone, but I wouldn't want to be her because then how would I be inspired?"_

_Kara rolled her eyes as she let out a small laugh, "you're being vague,"_

_"I'm being honest," Lena replied, "who do you get_ your _inspiration from?"_

_"Honestly?" The blonde met the green eyes again, and Lena nodded. "You,"_

_For a moment, the two friends stared at one another and Lena flashed smile that clearly showed that she hadn't believed what Kara had just said, and Kara shrugged, turning forward again, leaving Lena with nothing but a side profile to view. She was waiting for Kara to say that it was joke, but after a silent eight seconds Lena scoffed._

_"I inspire you?"_

_"Yes," Kara nodded, "you're the reason that I became a reporter,"_

_"I am?"_

_Kara turned to face Lena again, her smile wide, "yes, why do you seem so surprised?"_

_"I don't know, maybe because no one has ever told me that I've inspired them. Expect for Lex, but in very bad ways which is why I'm a little worried for you,"_

_"Well you've inspired me in good ways," the blonde assured, "you give good advice, you're a genius, and you're the strongest women that I know,"_

_"But you know Supergirl,"_

_"Which says a lot,"_

Lena stared down from the catwalk, her finger tips tapping against the golden railing as she searched carefully for one person. She didn't know if she was trying to avoid Kara or talk with her, either way, she ignored the entire point of this night with one thing in mind. Maybe going to Metropolis _was_ the best thing because Lena no longer had anything left in National City. She knew for a fact that keeping Kara in her life would be rather impossible if she never had Alex's approval. But would it be selfish to leave unnoticed or would it be better, easier prehaps?

She began to wonder how different her life would be without Kara's light in it, if it would be darker than before even. How would work be without her annoyingly charming best friend showing up to her office unannounced to ensure that she eats? How would holidays be without her family? She didn't even leave yet and she'd already missed Kara so much.

"Lena?"

The familiar voice brushed past her ear softly, and she refused to look over to the sound of the clicking heels that got closer by the second. She could feel now the presence of Kara, watching through her peripheral vision as Kara rested her own hand on the golden railing. Lena's fingers immediately stopped tapping, her eyes still grazing the growing crowd beneath her. Kara knew that something was wrong and she searched for eye contact but it was no use.

"Are you okay?"

"No," the answer was quick, before silence filtered the space around them.

Kara stared at Lena's side profile, knowing what it was that was bothering her because it was bothering the both of them. Alex was right to not trust Lena, she had her reasons and Kara knew that, but she also knew that Lena wasn't a bad person and that if she was guilty of something it was of a being a good woman with pure intentions.

"And I don't think I ever will be,"

"That's not true-"

"But it is," the brunette turned, finally, to look up into the blue eyes that she hoped would be different tonight. Unfortunately, they weren’t. Unfortunately, Lena had to stare, forcefully, into a place that she can only remember as home.

The space between the two women was absurdly quiet, you could feel the thick tension. Lena took a deep breath, hoping that she’d forget what she wanted to say. All she knew was that it would be harder now, for she had no intentions of looking into the beautiful blue eyes.

“I can’t even pretend that she trusts me,”

“Alex?” Kara sighed, her lip turning in disgust. “It doesn’t matter,”

“It matters to me,” Lena placed her hand over her chest, “it matters because even you know that we can’t have a normal relationship without her being able to trust me. But _we_ know that when it comes to it, Alex wouldn’t be the one to let the bad guy get away...it happened with Clark and Lex-“

“We are _not_ Clark and Lex,” the blonde was firm with her answer, the pureness of her eyes still there behind the unexpected anger from being offended. “You’re not an idiot, and Alex knows that-“

“Which is why it _scares_ the crap out of her. Sure yeah, maybe if I were some idiot who didn’t own the multi billion dollar company founded by the evil Luthors’ she could trust me easier,” a sassy, but true, response. “She’s over protective of you, which is very much understandable. I understand. I messed up-“

“Lena,” Kara sighs again, a silent no in disguised but Lena corrected,

“I did,” and her eyes watered, accepting her mistakes with open arms, “I messed up when I spent months plotting against you instead of coming to you like a normal person. I’ve been using you, thinking that you were doing that to me when you were just doing it out of love because you actually care. But as a Luthor, I had to-to go out and be dramatic,”

“You weren’t being dramatic, you were hurt and I get that...Alex doesn’t. The both of us have been holding the entire world on our shoulders for years and it comes with consequences,” Kara nods, staring into Lena’s wet eyes. “We’ve had so many people lie and betray us that we force ourselves to judge on the premise of a name. Alex judges hard, carefully, and she knows that at any moment, anyone can snap. Including me. The DEO has kryptonite. They know everything about me that I don’t, but you don’t see me running. I know that I would never turn against the people that I love which is why they trust me...because I don’t give up. You wanna know who reminded me of that? You did. Which is exactly why I don’t understand why you can’t do that yourself,”

Lena stared blankly, cocking a brow, “I’m not giving up,”

It seemed to be a sigh of relief from Kara just as she’d become confused. Lena was confident in her answer, practically to ensure Kara of something. The blonde’s month wanted to form words, which happened. Though, they didn’t come out that way. More of a hesitation prehaps. Part of her was filled with joy, but the other part made her anxious. Anxious in a bad way.

“I just...” the brunette licked her lips. She had to say it. Ready or not, now was the right time to say it, and she sighed. The green eyes seemed to be hopeful looking up into Kara’s which exuded the same energy. And with one more deep breath, Lena began. “I came to National City in hopes that I would make history. To prove that...that a Luthor and a Super actually could work together. Lex knew what I was doing, and he knew that maybe since you were a woman that you’d be easier to get to as a friend which meant that I’d have some sort of power,” Lena chuckled, abandoning the blue eyes to glance over the catwalk, “but then I got here...and you saved me...twice,” she turned back. “Then I met—then I met Kara and Kara saved me in a different way. She gave me hope, more than I already had or ever even thought possible, I could fly with her. Without powers, without being anything other than alive...I could fly with her. Everything that I did, was for Supergirl. But the reason that I kept doing it was because of you. I found myself in you, and knowing that makes me love you so much more-“

Kara kissed her.

Her hands were placed gently on both of Lena’s cheeks, pulling her impossibly closer into the hungry kiss. The brunette rested her hand on Kara’s bicep, not trying to make it too obvious that she’d been trying to push the blonde away. But even if she did show it, her lips were telling another story. It was almost a moment of relief as the kiss had become more slow and gentle, Kara starting to pull away with Lena’s bottom lip between her teeth. When she let go, Lena took a deep breath and immediately looked away from the blue eyes, placing her hand on the blonde’s chest as she took a step back. Kara’s hands fell to her side as Lena shook her head no.

“We...” the tears finally rolled down her cheeks, “can _not_ do that,”

“But you want to-“

“But we can’t,” Lena’s voice was firm, but the confidence that she was answering with earlier was gone. “I don’t want to be the reason that Supergirl chooses something over the world,”

“It won’t come to that,”

“Why not? If there’s a chance that the universe could take something away from me then its going to. Not to mention it happened with Mon-El-“

“That’s different,” Kara shook her head as she frowned, “because I never chose Mon-El over anything. That day when you asked me to choose Mon-El over the world was you asking me to choose you over him and I chose you because I’ll always choose you,”

Lena walked closer, nodding breathlessly, “which is exactly my point,” she swallowed, “because I’d do the same for you and that is a dangerous concept. If anyone could positively grasp what we could do together, then they could do it negatively. We can’t,”

**———**

  
  


“Cat Grant is an amazing woman, and everything she did was almost as good as her...”

It’s been a good hour and a half since Lena walked away from Kara. The ballroom was quiet now, with the exception of Andrea’s voice. Lena on one side of the room, buried behind a heap of people but not too far from Kara’s sight. Kara on the other end, arms folded, angry and confused she was. She tuned in and out of Andrea’s speech as her blue eyes gazed the crowd effortlessly to meet Lena’s. The green eyes always broke away first, her heart beating with fear and intimidation. There was one time though, the last time, where Alex approached Kara causing Lena to permanently look away.

“How’d it go with Ms. Rojas?” Alex cleared her throat.

“She’s innocent,” Kara cocked a brow, still staring in Lena’s distant direction. “We can run it by the DEO after tonight, I have a plan,”

“On a scale of one to ten how much am I going to hate it?” The woman glared up at her sister.

“Well,” the blonde sighed, her attention now turning completely to Alex, “it depends on if you trust Lena or not,”

“Are you—are you kidding me?”

“No,” Kara’s eyes widened, “no I’m serious, Alex. When are you going to stop treating me like I can’t make my own decisions? I’m here right now because of you, you kept putting me in a place where I have to choose between you and Lena but that is one decision that I could never make. You’re the reason that I’m me, but she’s the reason that I’m staying this way and without her I don’t know who I am. I proved that when I lost my memory, her eyes were the only thing that I needed to know what she meant to me. Alex I didn’t even know her name-“

“I know,” the red head snapped, “I was there when you asked if you would see her again. I know,”

“Then why are you making this so hard for us?”

“Because she’s obsessed with you,”

Kara furrowed, confused once again but she couldn’t say anything because Alex spoke over her again.

“When J’onn got Malefic from her lab there was so much more that we found. I even got Andrea to give me the records of Lena’s VR lenses,” Alex nodded, placing the lenses into Kara’s hand with a little aggressive, “she’s obsessed with you. It’s a little different from how Lex was obsessed with Superman, but...she’s a Luthor,”

The blonde sighed with an eye roll, completely annoyed. She glazed at her talking boss, then to William Dey who stood next to her waving into the crow with a wide smile.

“Leviathan isn’t coming tonight,” Kara says, “it was a trap to get to Lena. I’m gonna take her home, and I already had Brainy call in a squad to help you with whatever they send here,” and she walked off.

Kara wasn’t angry with Alex because she understands, but she hates being stuck in between two stubborn ass women. Lena was afraid of rejection, but Alex was afraid of even hearing the question. Maybe she wouldn’t reject Lena, but she felt that she’d definitely regret it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is so beautiful, I think it’s about time for some fluff...almost?


	8. Tell Me A Story About Time Travel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was definitely not the chapter that I intended on doing, but I did it and I’m just going with the flow. Also, didn’t have time to proof read, so I’m apologizing in advance.

The elevator ride was pretty overwhelming, one because Kara thought she'd have another explosive panic attack, and two because she was always nervous when she was getting ready to make a life changing decision. And of course the feeling only got worse when the elevator stopped. Then it was even worse when the first person who Kara saw when she got off was Lena. At first, she was definitely going to avoid it, but it was too late because Lena was already making eye contact with her. She finished up the conversation with her employee as Kara approached slowly. When the employee left the desk, Lena stood to her feet and crossed her arms over her chest.

"So I, uh, got in touch with your contact at the bank...and he would be a-a great source on Edge,"

"I'm glad it was liable," Lena nods.

The tension suddenly grew thicker with each silently second, and this could've been the end of their conversation. Lena had no idea that Kara was going to say something else, Kara didn't neither, but the way they stood there in awkward silence said a lot. Kara cleared her throat, avoiding the piercing green eyes, as she reached onto the desk and grabbed a Rubik's cube.

"Uhh," she busied herself with the cube, staring down at it, "I need to apologize for my behavior from earlier,"

Lena stared blankly, she didn't think that Kara would be apologizing and she certainly didn't think that it would be now.

"But...you were wrong," finally, Kara was able to make eye contact, "this isn't about Mon-El. There's—"

The brunette searched once more for the blue eyes as they'd abandoned her again and she knew that this was something serious.

"It's okay," Lena says, tilting her head to get a better look at her friend, "whatever it is, you can tell me,"

Kara swallowed hard before clearing her throat again and taking a deep breath. She didn't want this to be the moment that she lost her best friend, but would there ever be a _right_ time for this conversation? Probably not. Maybe each time Kara was ready, she would never actually be ready when faced with this very equation.

"When you were assuming things earlier...I thought that maybe you were catching on to something else and part of me really hoped that you did. I thought that maybe I wouldn't have to go through what I'm going through right now, and that if you already knew then I wouldn't have,"

Lena was confused, and if her words couldn't admit to that then it was definitely her facial expression that gave it all away. Kara cleared her throat again, flipping the cube a few more times before finally setting it back in its original place.

"Truth is," Kara sighs, "Lillian kind of got inside my head but she's right. Which is why I think you should know that...I'm Supergirl,"

Still very much confused, Lena stared. She didn't know how to process this let alone actually believe it. Kara waited for some kind of acknowledgement, because that would help. She fiddled nervously with her fingers, blue and green eyes mixing from the small distance. Her heart was probably beating as fast as it could go and there was no doubt that what Lena said next would totally make Kara explode.

"Please say something," the blonde mumbled.

Say something? Lena wasn't quite sure what to say. She didn't know if she should be excited that she's friends with Supergirl, or if she should be angry that Kara practically lied to her for almost a year about who she really was. Not to mention...

"Is this a serious conversation?" Lena questioned.

"What? Yes, yes this is serious, I wouldn't lie about that,"

"Poor choice of words," Lena chuckled, "but here I was thinking that I was being a bad friend when in reality you've been manipulating me. Were you undercover or something? Just using me to get the inside scoop on my evil Lex like plans-you know I thought that you were different. I thought that I actually found someone who judged me by me and not by the premise of my last name. I see now why Lex took Superman's betrayal so hard-"

"No," Kara interrupted, taking a step forward as she looked around the building to ensure that no one was looking, "no, Lena, its not like that at all I promise. I...I was just...our friendship caught me by a surprise just as much as it did you, I didn't intend on having any relationship with you but we do. And I trust you, otherwise I wouldn't be telling you this,"

With a heart racing beyond a stopping point, Kara stared into the angry and confused green eyes.

"I would've never invited you to game night if I thought you were anything like your brother," she broke the silence, "but I feel so guilty for letting you open up to me after everything that you've been through just for me to put you through that again and that's what's been bothering me the most for these last few months. I understand if you think that I've been using you, but I haven't I swear. You're a good person and I'd actually be really surprised if you turned out to be anything like Lex,"

It was relieving, really, to hear those words. The concept of a Super and a Luthor was only including a business relationship and never extended to a friendship until now. It was Lena's decision, it seemed, for this to continue. Would she even think about taking her chances with Kara after everything that Lex and Superman put their family through? Would it be smart to potentially make history repeat itself? Probably not. But...

"Okay," Lena nods, briefly taking a break from the blue eyes before reuniting with them again, "I'm going to need a little time to process but if you do still have any baggage about Mon-El, I'm here for you,"

"Really?" Kara released a heavy breath of relief.

"Of course," Lena nods, "what are friends for?"

Then there was another, followed by a smile as Kara pulled her friend into tight hug. The roles didn't have to be reversed for Lena to know that Kara would give her the same second chance because Kara has already given her more chances than anyone should ever give a Luthor. This only showed that these two were far beyond those boys and their sticks and stones.

This changed things, a lot actually. Kara told Lena more than she should have, specifically about the DEO and their recent prisoner, Psi. But Lena didn't care about that part, she cared about getting to know more about her best friend who also happened to be her idol, also known as the entire reason that she'd come to National City in the first place.

A few days had gone by and Kara and Lena were on far better terms than Lena had expected. They never texted this much, but Kara was sure to let Lena know almost everytime that there was a Supergirl emergency. She was excused from the last six meetings and James wondered how long it would be before Lena checked her for it because, of course, he didn't know that Kara told Lena about anything. The DEO almost didn't know either until Lena discovered that Sam and Reign were the same person, and followed by that, Lena got Kara's permission to save Reign using kryptonite.

The team up was exciting and an experience that Lena never thought to imagine would ever be happening. Kara, on the other hand, was stressing out left and right because Lena seemed to always be in danger. In fact, neither of them could remember the last time that Kara could actually go to sleep without thinking someone was holding Lena at gun point. Which was why she finally gave Lena a watch after two weeks.

Today was different though. Today Kara was going to march right up into Lena's office and talk about everything, because there was definitely a lot that needed to be said. Lately, most of their time in person has been spent at the DEO. Other than that, they'd see each other passing through CatCo but Kara was always rushing somewhere. It definitely needed to be discussed, and they definitely had to find a way to work around a schedule so that they could actually enjoy just being friends instead of twenty-four-seven co-workers.

The door to Lena's office grabbed her attention as it opened, presenting her with a nervously smiling blonde who carried two orders of Big Belly Burger.

"Kara?" The brunette smiled as she leaned up from the desk. "What a surprise? Is everything okay?"

"I don't know, you tell me," the blonde shrugs, making her way over towards the white couch with a little urgency, "these last two weeks have been everything that I didn't want them to be. I thought that telling you who I was would make things easier, but instead it actually just complicates things and we never have time for each other,"

"Don't be ridiculous," Lena giggles, "you're a reporter and a hero, of course it's time consuming, I knew what I was signing up for,"

Kara rolled her eyes while she unbagged the food. There was no way that Lena was _this_ understanding and that she didn't feel some kind of way with the distance between them.

"I know, but when you didn't know it was much easier for me to make time for you, and now I just miss you so—much,"

They were on opposite sides of the office. While Kara stressfully ate her food, Lena was walking over the bookshelf where she finish organizing it. She was smiling too, a bit flushed from Kara's words. She'd already gotten the hint last night when Kara texted her those exact words _I miss you_ , followed by a few angry emoticons.

"I miss you too," Lena replied lowly, "but I promise you that we're fine. I'd feel bad if I kept you locked in a room with me while danger was consuming our city,"

"But you really don't have to feel bad , the DEO existed way before I came to earth so I'm sure they could handle it. I'm literally _just_ an asset,"

The logical sarcasm caused Lena to laugh, her heals clicking against the floor as she walked to the other side of the office where Kara was sitting. There were only a few inches between the two women when Lena had sat down, reaching immediately for her own food.

"Sounds like I have your consent," Lena joked.

"If being locked in a room with you for the rest of my life gave us the desired opportunity to enjoy ourselves outside of work, then I'm not sure if I'd ever want to be opposed to it," it wasn't a joke, Kara was actually serious about potentially being locked in a room with her best friend for the of her life, "unless we don't have any food because then we'd die of starvation and for someone with a metabolism like mine, that would be a pretty sad death,"

Again, Lena laughed. She didn't know how much she missed Kara until now. Sure, they laughed at each other's text messages but it wasn't the same as the late lunch dates at L-Corp. These were the moments that should be cherished.

"Do you think that you're just going through an identity crisis right now?" Lena turned to her right.

"You mean with Kara and Supergirl? No," the blue eyed woman scoffed. Obviously it was a lie, Lena could tell and it wasn't long before Kara had to correct herself. "Okay yes," she sighed, "I'm just so scared,"

Lena looked away, she thought that it was cute how worried Kara was about their relationship, but she also hated how stressed Kara must be just thinking about losing her best friend. If only Lena could put herself in Kara's shoes for a day to understand the things that she's going through this would be so much easier.

She turned to her right again, "why?"

Kara used a napkin to wipe the salt from the fries from the corner of her mouth before she sighed. Why is this still so hard? She wondered it herself, Lena wasn't the only one with questions.

"I think that before you knew that I was Supergirl, I made it a priority to just be Kara Danvers," her words were low, but Lena could hear her clearly. "I've never really had anything to look forward to as Kara Danvers other than CatCo, but now I have you. Though, since you know now, I don't know who to present myself to you as. Like do you want to eat lunch with Kara or Supergirl?"

"You know that doesn't matter," Lena smirked, trying her best to do whatever she could to ease the tension, "whether you're in a cape with your hair down or wearing glasses with your hair up, to me you'll always just be Kara. And Kara is amazing, even if she's having a hard time balancing work and relationships. It takes time to get used to changes as big as this one, but I'll be patient with you, and I'm here," she placed her hand on Kara's shoulder, "whenever you need me,"

" _And surely enough, Kara knew now that she worried for absolutely nothing. She was just overthinking which is something that happens when you're afraid of losing a friend. End of simulation_ ,"

**———**

Kara stopped two robberies, a rogue alien, and another assassination attempt on Andrea Rojas that was ordered by Leviathan. Since then, she decided to stay a while longer at the DEO. A part of her really hoped to run into Brainy while the other part prayed that they never got any alone time. That simulation had her mind going to places that it shouldn't, to places that she literally just said it wouldn't go.

She shouldn't have looked. Yes, Kara wanted to understand what Alex meant by _obsessed_ but she didn't expect that. That wasn't obsession, it was a woman who was both deeply and utterly hurt by yet another betrayal. It was a woman who wanted something less painful than what Kara was giving her. And to be honest, Kara would never be as amazing as the Kara that was in Lena's virtual reality and it hurt.

Knowing that you're only the amazing friend that you've always wanted to be in a virtual reality really sucks. But it could be real, right? Kara could make all of Lena's dreams come true if she just went back and did it different. Right? Well the simple fact that it was a question probably meant that the answer was no, but Rao did that simulation say otherwise.

Kara took a deep breath, staring down from the balcony of the DEO before marching towards Brainy. He'd definitely talk her out of it, he knows the outcome of time travel. Maybe he could just tell Kara that this was a bad idea and that if she had any chance of fixing things with Lena that it has to be done in now. She grew more nervous with each step, obviously her mind wasn't made up, and it wasn't until she actually saw Brainy standing there at the island on a tablet that she was sure about at least having the conversation with him.

"Brainy?" The blonde called, she seemed less nervous when she spoke. "Can I ask you something?"

There was no verbal answer, but he did give Kara all of his attention.

"If you could go back and make different decisions, would you?"

The man stared blankly as he straighten up and locked his hand together behind his back. The question wasn't as he'd expected it to be, but he knew that he had to answer it carefully given his personal circumstances right along with the circumstances of all mankind.

"Yes," the answer was honest, but of course with a question like this you'd need to have an explaination. "I've been on many different teams in my time and I believe that some of the decisions that I made during a crisis were a little...over the top. I think everyone has made mistakes that they'd like to go back and change, especially when they have new knowledge,"

Kara looked down to her feet, nodding her head slowly.

"You know that I am no stranger to time travel, so it's safe to say that I've definitely gone back and changed some things, but other things happen for a reason,"

"What if they don't? What if it was supposed to happen at another time? What if all of the perfect opportunities were waisted on stupid excuses?"

Brainy took a deep breath as he glanced around the _not so busy_ facility.

"Time travel is dangerous," he says, still avoiding the blue eyes, "especially when the perfect moment isn't the right moment-there's a difference," then he cleared his throat, finally giving his attention to Kara once more. "Going back is the easiest part, but the moment you chose to change something you have to be sure that you're doing the right thing because otherwise it was all for nothing. Otherwise once you've realized that you've made a mistake in changing the timeline, you'd have to do the hard part of time travel which is fixing all of the things you've changed until you're back to where you left off and it takes years to perfect a broken timeline,"

That was all the pep talk that she needed. Of course thinking that going back in time to fix her relationship with Lena was a little too much. It could literally put everyone in danger, it could change everything.

"Which is why you should know that if you told Lena that you were Supergirl when Samantha came to National City, it wouldn't be the way it is in Lena's VR,"

Kara immediately furrowed, "how did you-"

"I've been here before, in every single timeline on almost every single earth and it's the same story every single time," Brainy nods, "so the moment that I found out that Lena didn't know anything about your identity, I knew that something was wrong. The love and care that you have for her was over estimated in this timeline and because of it the future is written as it is in every other timeline. The possibility of you having everything you want is ninety-seven point eight percent, but you don't think it's possible which is the real reason why you held off for so long...but..."

"But what?" The blonde was noticeably eager to hear what Brainy was going to say next.

"But you shouldn't have," he says, "there was both the perfect and right time to tell Lena. The very first time that you held open a door for her, and that's all I can say. Goodnight,"

Kara furrowed her brows as Brainy quickly walked off. Of course she was confused. She didn't necessarily expect for him to just give her a thumbs up for time travel. He wasn't even specific with the details either, almost as if he chose his words carefully. Was Kara supposed to figure it out on her own? Was she even supposed to figure it out?

"Wait!" She zipped in front of the brown eyed man, stopping him in his tracks. "Are you saying that I should-"

"I'm saying that the fate of your future—the fate of National City's future lies in your hands. The reveal was always the biggest moment of your life, it affects everything,"

"Positively or negatively!" At the this point, Kara was definitely annoyed. Yes, she totally understood the whole, _I'm from the future and if I say certain things I could ruin the time line_ , but Rao was Brainy being vague.

"I don't know," he shrugs carelessly, "but if you want to go and change the timeline in order to prevent...some things...then by all means,"

"What do you mean by _some things_? I just want fix things with Lena,"

"That's not how time travel works," Brainy laughs, "you can't just change one thing without creating a chain reaction. _Fixing things_ with Lena will create a new timeline and depending on where in time you'd go back to reveal yourself, it could be dangerous,"

"So you're saying that I shouldn't?"

Brainy stared a moment, taking a deep breath without breaking eye contact. He couldn't answer that question without giving things away, which meant that there was only one solution.

“The first time you held open a door for her,” was his shocking response. “Goodnight,”

It meant yes, didn’t it? Kara could only imagine all of the things that she’d have to go through, again, if she went back in time, Cadmus, the Daximite invasion, Morgan Edge, Agent Liberty, and Lex Luthor. Ew, Lex, then mere thought of him made the blonde cringe and this was the moment that she decided not go. But then, of course, her train of thought shifted after realizing that she could stop Lex sooner. Not mention he’d be alive instead of dead with his blood on Lena’s hands. Kara didn’t want that for Lena, she wanted to make it better. She couldn’t imagine having to kill a sibling who you were once so close with, a person who helped you find yourself when you couldn’t do it on your own.

The large window of the DEO shattered into pieces when Kara shot out of it like a speeding bullet, straight into the sky she went. She was doing it. Kara Danvers was time traveling, but in order for this to work without chaos she had to forget everything. She held her breath, flying as fast as she could in the opposite direction of earth’s orbit while focusing as hard as she possibly could on losing her memory...again. With each cycle, she picked up speed until....

**———**

  
  


Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea that Alex had canceled her lunch with Kara because if she hadn’t Kara wouldn’t have been able to give Lena such a warm welcome to National City. From the moment Kara met Lena, she knew that the green eyed woman was nothing like anyone said she was. Tonight only made her understand more. Lena was just misunderstood, just like Kara.

It was late out, the moon light shinning down below and they were leaving the cafe around this time with smiles on their faces as Kara held open the door. Lena was walking slowly, waiting for her _friend_ to catch up with her. What exactly was it that Kara was thinking, time travel is bad isn’t it? This could change everything and if Alex or anyone else knew what Kara was up to, they would’ve stopped her immediately.

 _Just say goodnight or go back to your time_.

Kara was thinking about it heavily and it was giving her so much anxiety. She literally just told Andrea that she’d never go back and make things right if she had the chance, but obviously that wasn’t true. Obviously making things right this way seemed much more easier and if there’s a chance that it can be this easy then Kara was going to take it for sure. For Lena.

“Hey,” her heart raced even faster when Lena turned, resting her hand on the doorknob, “walk with me for a second,”

“Sure,” Lena smiled and Kara returned the gesture as they had become side by side again.

Kara stared at the ground as they walked, Lena focusing her attention on more important things. They only knew each other for a few days, yet, Lena felt like she knew everything there was to know about Kara. Her green eyes were planted on Kara’s side profile, and the silence worried her more than it should have. The bright smile that Kara owned for practically the entire night was gone, how could Lena _not_ be worried?

The blonde looked back when they were a good distance from the car, she took a deep breath and before they knew it she and Lena were both standing on L-Corp’s balcony. Lena furrowed, not able to get out any words because Kara spoke immediately.

“I’m sorry for what your friends and your family has put you through over the years and I don’t want to do that to you,”

Of course Lena was confused, ignoring the words that were leaving Kara’s mouth as she walked slowly towards the railing where she looked down at the ground. She couldn’t believe it. Kara could fly. Oh god, Kara could fly.

“Which is why I’d like for us to have a friendship built on honesty and I think you should know that I’m Supergirl,”

Lena scoffed, a wide smile on her face as she tried to wrap her head around this entire situation. She didn’t want to be paranoid and think that the only reason that Kara tried so hard to make Lena break her armer was because she was just using her. Lena wanted to believe that this was real and that the reason that she came to National City was the exact same reason that she’d stay.

“That’s...” but she couldn’t believe either of those. She didn’t believe that she could actually be friends with Supergirl, but it was definitely worth a try. Especially if Supergirl and Kara Danvers _are_ the same person. “I mean wow. W-“

“Look, I know that this is a lot to take in at the end of your first lunch with a practical stranger but I wanted to make sure that you knew that I’m really not like everyone else. I’ve never judged you for your family, because I know what it feels like to be judged off of someone else’s actions and I-“

“Hey,” Lena smiles widely, gesturing for Kara to stop talking, “I really appreciate that you care, but it’s not that serious. You could’ve waited,”

“No I couldn’t have,” Kara shook her head, “because...because if I waited then I would’ve kept finding excuses to hold it off and you might have found out from someone else and that—I wouldn’t want that,”

And with that, Lena practically melted. She was standing in front of her idol. The idol who was also her friend and wanted to keep it that way. When she was arguing with Jack, she didn’t actually believe that could move to National City and make history. Like seriously, a Luthor and a Super _actually_ working together. Oh the things that they could accomplish.

Lena continued to smile, completely in awe with the amount of care and respect that Kara already had for her. Imagine if they did become friends, Lena would never have to worry about being heart broken again, that’s how much faith she had. But only with Kara.

“Okay,” still smiling, “but for future references you don’t ever have to do anything that you’re not ready for,”

“I made the mistake of keeping that part of myself a secret before and I can’t let it happen again,” Kara replied softly, “I was ready,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heavily considering this as just a filler, but that solely depends on how you guys feel about it. ;)


	9. Partners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrea opens up to Kara about her powers, while Lena and Alex work to uncover more secrets about Leviathan and Obsidian north.

"No," Kara wakes up immediately from a deep sleep. If possible, she'd probably be drenched in sweat right now from having her fifth WORST nightmare ever. "Going back in time is cheating." and she continues to speak as she catches her breath. "I'm not a cheater. Heroes don't cheat."

With that, Kara can't seem to fall back to sleep because her brain is yelling _time travel_ in her ear. It's a bad idea, but Alex doesn't trust Lena. She knows that it's something they could get over, but when? How different will things be when Kara actually has to choose and doesn't, because she can't?

Kara takes a deep breath and lifts her head back up from her pillow. Her eyes immediately focus on the small box that contained Lena's VR lenses. She hasn't seen anything yet, and there is nothing tempting her to watch it. She understands that this is work, but she also knows that there can’t be secrets between her and Lena. If that’s true, then she could explain what was on the lenses to Kara herself . Maybe a flight to Lena's apartment would help clear her mind anyways.

She's dressed and temporally energized by coffee in less than three minutes. For some reason Kara doesn't feel the need to be Supergirl tonight. No matter how many dreams she has, she feels that Lena would always choose Kara over Supergirl. She shakes the thought with excitement as she takes flight into the night sky. Unfortunately she's too fast to think about anything but Lena on the way, but that makes since.

She makes a soft landing on Lena's balcony. There's a light on in the kitchen, along with a shadow. Kara knocks softly on the glass before walking right in. Lena doesn't turn around to face, or acknowledge Kara's presence because all she can think about is that kiss. What else would be keeping her up this late?

There's no intention on telling Lena about what Alex said earlier, but Kara feels that it'll slip out somehow. Lena turns to her, thickening the tension as she stirs her tea while avoiding Kara's eyes.

"How was the gala?" The brunette breaks the silence. "Brainy said Leviathan never showed up."

"That's because you left." Kara returns. "She said it was a trap and that they were never coming for her. They were coming for you. They've been coming for you since the fortress, is there anything you're not telling me?"

As much as Lena wants to avoid it, she knows that she can't. Her green eyes finally come in contact with the blue ones before her as she prepares to reveal more secrets to Kara. Lena reaches into her shirt to retrieve the medallion where she then rests it on top.

"This is the last piece of my mother that I have.” Her voice is softer than before. “Andrea helped me get to it and she took it, that was when I stopped trusting her. When she asked me to help her intercept the DEO, I thought it would be a good opportunity to get this back, even though I knew she was out of her mind. But since then Levathian has been chasing me so I figured that maybe if I kept something that they wanted I could get something out of them."

The blonde nods, there's more that she wants to say, but she figures that now isn't the time to get off task.

"You know how dangerous they are, why would you want them tailing you like that? What if I can’t protect you? And why didn't you tell me that they were after you, the medallion rather?" She points dryly. Kara stares for a moment, but continues without giving Lena the chance to answer the questions. "Weren't you the one who said there couldn't be any more secrets between us-especially ones like that. Lena you can’t fight them by yourself, and neither can I-“ 

"This is why I didn't tell you." Lena rolls her eyes. "We're never going to get to the bottom of this if we don't take drastic measures, Kara. And we can't be partners if this is how you're going to act when I'm involved. I know what I'm getting into and I know how to protect myself. I've been doing it for years." She shrugs.

"For years you’ve been protecting yourself from assassination attempts organized by your psychotic brother, these are gods!” The blonde snaps. “And I think that makes a pretty big difference since we _still_ haven’t defeated them!”

Kara knows that Lena is capable of protecting herself, and she doesn't argue the point but how could she not? They don’t have a weapon to defeat something that they can’t even pinpoint and she hates that Lena seems to like hanging over pits of danger by a thread. The green eyed woman stares at her angry friend. She understands why Kara is so upset, but why should their partnership feel any different than before?

”I’m sorry.” Kara clears her throat. “I just think that...if we’re going to take drastic measures at least let me know so that I could help.” 

From the look on her face, Lena can see that there’s more Kara wants to say so she waits. Kara doesn’t say anything in the silence because she doesn’t want to go back and forth, she hates it, but it seems like this is all they do when it comes to work. The blonde reaches into her pocket to retrieve the VR lenses, in a sense of changing the subject.

"Alex gave me these." Kara walks further into the apartment, approaching Lena near the island. "I didn't watch anything, but she did."

As Kara hands over the lenses, Lena is hesitant to take them. She can't imagine what Alex must think, so she accepts that later she'll have a lot of explaining to do.

"Really? What did she say?" Lena asks, removing the lenses from Kara's hand.

"Nothing that I feel comfortable repeating." Kara nods, and proceeds to change the subject from Alex. "Anyway," she sighs, "I was only able to get a name out of Andrea before we left the gala, Margot Morrison. I haven't had any time to look into it but I'll talk with Brainy about it tomorrow. In the meantime, I'll do whatever I can with the information I do have. I'll let you know when I find something."

Lena nods in agreement and watches Kara head out. There's a gust of light wind that's strong enough to blow a few strands of brunette hair out of place as Kara flies away. Lena can't imagine the things going through Alex's mind after seeing what was on those lenses, but surely she could make it right. Surely Alex would understand if Lena had come clean to the right person before things got out of hand.

The green eyed woman was no longer in the mood for tea so she poured it down into the drain before going to bed. When the sun finally came up, Lena was already ready to start her seemingly stressful day. Kara, of course, is dangling in the back of Lena's mind. With everything going on, she knows that now isn't the time to think about Kara's lips but how could she not? They kissed, and there is no denying that they both liked it. Where does that put them? How will it change things between them? It doesn't seem to have affected anything yet, but there's a strong feeling that it will.

 _Should they talk about it? Does Kara even want to talk after Lena walked out on her? How does she feel about all of this?_ All of the questions running through Lena's mind is distracting her from what she should actually be doing; she needs to talk to Alex as soon as possible before something goes wrong.

She gathers her things, a thick binder, the lenses, and her laptop, all of which she needs in order to get her point across to Alex.

A mere twenty minutes goes by before Lena finally shows up at the DEO with a possible large amount of helpful information that she can't share with Kara at any cost. It has more to do with Leviathan, than Supergirl, but the Supergirl part could be a bit concerning which is why Lena needed to make this right.

"Lena?" the brunette follows the voice, but Alex has already caught up to her with her eyes buried into a stack of papers. "I'm glad you're here, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Before you do that, Kara told me that you saw what was on the lenses." Lena removes the small box from her purse to hand them back over to Alex. "I know what it looks like, but I swear it's not what you think. When Andrea first told me she was working with Leviathan I had to do my own research. What you saw on those lenses is the reason that Eve decided to leave Obsidian."

"Eve worked for Obsidian?" The two _friends_ walked through the facility side by side, with an attempt to keep their conversation as private as possible.

Lena nods, "she also worked for Leviathan which makes since now. Brainy told me that you guys found their hideout, but according to this," she holds up the binder for Alex to see, "their hideout is Metropolis. Eve left Metropolis to come here and then Andrea followed her the second she got the opportunity. Now Leviathan is following them both."

"So who's their actual target? Eve or Andrea?"

"As of a few weeks ago, I am." Lena says. "I don't know what they want with this Medallion, but it has to be for something big if they're putting up such a fight to get to it. Once we figure it out we could figure out how to stop it. And as for Supergirl, they're planning to duplicate her DNA to make a clone five times her strength. _Every_ detail. I can't let that happen, but if it does I've been working on a new suit to use for battle. If you want I could show you the progress I've made—but you can't tell Kara."

There's a look on Alex's face that Lena's never seen before as they quickly agree that this is something Kara shouldn't know. Kara would literally flip if she found out that there was potentially going to be _another_ clone of herself. She and Lena are both aware of how that makes Kara feel, and neither of them wants her to have to go through that _again_. This was only one of many things they had in common, their care for Kara.

"Fine,” Alex caves, “but you have to tell me what you were doing with Malefic. I know that there's more to the story Lena. I've been going over everything that we found in your lab because of him. I don't want to do this, but this case is making me trust you less and less." Alex is serious as she speaks and Lena understand everything she's saying.

"I told you that I did my research."

"Yeah," Alex nods, "I heard you the first nine times but I still don't know anything. If we're going to be working together we have to be honest about this case. Before we interfered, what were you up to?"

The red head stops in her tracks, and Lena had instantly done the same. She takes a deep breath before closing up some of the distance between them. There's a look in her eyes that Alex has never seen before. The red head wonders if Lena believes she's crossing a line here or not. Squinting her eyes and waiting for her response.

"Correction, what I'll continue to be up to when you find out about the fail safe that Andrea's been hiding." Lena folds her arms. "If it goes as planned, we're going to need project Non Nocere to stop them. That's not what I've been doing the entire time, but you won't understand the other part. I was hurting, but I'm better now. My intentions were always pure. I was never making a weapon. I turned J'onn's brother into a hero, a good person. And if somehow...Lex finds a way to come back maybe I could make him better. But..." she chuckles in distress, "the reality is you can never fix humanity. The point of it is evolution, so now the project is more of a humanity reset. A step towards new beginnings. You must've stopped watching when you assumed I was obsessed with Supergirl."

"Because it was sick and certainly not as bad as what's actually happening with those blueprints." Alex agrees.

"And you think I'd leave anything worth keeping in my lab when there's a facility like the DEO sniffing around? You've always assumed the worse of me, can you just admit that you're judging me?"

"How can I not? You used us to recalibrate the Phantom Projector in secret. I know Kara won't admit it, but you were the one to helped Andrea intercept the DEO. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't judge you?"

There's an awkward silence that's grow upon them as Lena hides the way she really feels about what Alex had just said.

"Are you kidding me?" Lena scoffs. "You and DEO have been involved in my work life and my personal life since the day I got to National City. Yes, what I did was a crime, but at least I did it for the exact same reason you would. Meanwhile, you guys are still trying to pinpoint where I'm guilty. What about a search warrant? What about a reason other than _she’s a Luthor_ because I haven't gotten that yet. Stop trying to play victim, Alex. You were a part of what Kara did too and you still haven't apologized for it in case you're wondering why I've been so pissed at you. Now what was it you wanted to talk to me about it?"

In that moment, Alex had realized that she'd completely forgot. Or maybe she just couldn't spend another second with Lena. She was guilty of being terrible friend and sister to Lena, she realizes that now, but she doesn't know how to apologize for it yet. Alex's relationship with Lena has always been both forced and complicated because of Kara but, despite how villainized Lena is in Alex's head, Alex loves her to death. It hurts her to know that she's hurt a friend, but she still doesn't understand how affected Lena is.

"You know what, I forgot." Alex says nervously. "I'll read up on this with Brainy and we'll update you if we can find anything else." She refers to the binder.

Lena nods. She'll remember this moment. Either Alex doesn't know how to apologize or she doesn't want to. Either way, _ouch_. They're both stubborn, it could be why it's taking so much to fix things between them. However, neither of them will admit it.

"Okay," the brunette says, and before Alex knows, Lena is gone.

———

There's an opened box of donuts in Kara's office and she proceeds to reach for another glazed donut. She uses her supersped to continue scrolling through files of Margot. Her hair is braided into a low bun, and there's a soft shine on her lips from the glaze. She's been here for a few hours trying to connect Margot to Leviathan but there's nothing there. It almost seems as if her slate was wiped completely.

" _Hmm, maybe that's it_." Kara thinks to herself.

"Hey." The blonde looks up to see Andrea entering the office. "Sorry I'm late, I had a last minute meeting with the board about Obsidian's VR launch. It's crazy how much this is costing my company." Andrea sits down in front of Kara at the desk. "The two billion that I used for Catco was out of our budget. It was supposed to be an investment, but Catco is getting me nowhere. We need to do something to get everyone buzzing, but it also funds the launch."

From the experience of working with Cat and befriending Lena, Kara knew what that meant. She isn't as experienced in business as she is with journalism but she listens very well.

"Did we not fund enough the other night?" Kara questions.

"We did great for an anniversary," Andrea nods, "but not as great as we anticipated. I know that's impossible for a one time event, which is why I am depending on this VR thing. If it doesn't work like-" The stops herself in fear of going further than she should so she restarts. "If it doesn't work, I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know how to run a Media Empire."

"Oh come on, you and I both know that it's a team effort. That's the point of having employees _business woman_." Andrea playfully roles her eyes at Kara's non-argumentative point. And the blonde proceeds. "That way, if you can't come up with anything, call an emergency meeting and have some of the reporters throw pitches about fundraisers. It'll be fun, they'll love it. Until then, I think I'm gonna need you to tell me about Margot yourself. I've been researching, and reviewing her files for hours."

A silence fills the office and Andrea suddenly fails to form a sentence. Speaking upon Leviathan is just as dangerous as being blackmailed by Supergirl and a government facility. Unfortunately, she has to make a decision. Maybe this could be her way out. Maybe Supergirl is capable of defeating the people who took Andrea's life away. The concept seems perfect, but can she really depend on Supergirl to save her without putting herself in danger?

"You really have to figure it out on your own." Andrea says. "I can't tell you. If they find out that I said something they'll kill me. Also, you're going to have to search with something a lot stronger than a public server. Her files have all been erased."

"So you gave me a dead lead?"

"You work for a secret agency, I thought you'd use all of your sources." The blue eyed brunette immediately responds. "I told you that this is a dangerous game. I'm trying to protect you."

"And what do you think I'm doing for you?" Kara pushes the laptop over to the side and gives her full attention to Andrea. "The reason that we're working together is because you need help but I can't do anything if you're being vague. Could you at least tell me why they're after the medallion?"

"Sure, they have a staff and they need the medallion's power to charge it. Supposedly it belongs to some earth bender."

"Rama Khan." Kara nods. "The legend of the medallion says that you move like shadows. I'm assuming that the power that was embedded there is how you became Acrata? If the medallion no longer has any magic then how would it charge the staff?"

"It doesn't." Andrea says. "The medallion and I have never been separated so they have no idea, that's why I want a way out while I have the chance. I can't be the reason that there's another deadly natural disaster. I heard that he's wiped out thousands of lives just because he can. Kara-I can't be a part of that and I certainly wouldn't want Lena to be."

There's a new idea that pops into Kara's head. Knowing this, however, made things a lot more complicated. If Leviathan never knows that they don't need the medallion then Lena will be targeted until they get it. But if they do find it, then Andrea will be targeted. Suddenly the idea is different, she has a plan but she's going to need Lena's help.

"Wait, did you organize the event knowing they were targeting her-"

"Of course not!" The brunette protests. "I had no idea about it until she showed up, but by then the both of you were already gone."

"She as in Margot?" Kara asks, raising a brow.

Andrea shakes her head. "You know what," she sighs and rests her palm on the desk top before standing up from the chair, "how about we talk about this later? Or at a different location?"

"But-"

"Not here, Ms. Danvers." The woman interrupts with in a serious tone. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go edit and publish some articles. Thanks for the talk."

Andrea leaves Kara's office without looking back. She can't trust the people here, especially with Leviathan practically tracking her every move. When she explains to Kara later, maybe she'll understand why they couldn’t talk about it here.

When Kara is completely alone and her boss is a good distance away, she immediately dials for Lena. She wanted Lena to know that there was actually trust, and that she was actually trying which is why she'd decided to tell her friend right away.

"Lena, hey." The blonde doesn't give Lena a chance to greet her. "Do you think you'll be able to get some information on Margot? I've been looking all day and there's nothing. Andrea said that Leviathan wiped away some of her files, and Brainy said that there's no way that the DEO will be able to retrieve them if they were erased with magic."

"You could use my lab if you need to." Lena responds. "I'm on my way to a board meeting right now so you could wait in the office if you don't mind. Have you eaten yet?"

"Yes," she says, "but you know I always have room for another bite."

The brunette giggles and uselessly nods in agreement. "Of course you do. I'll see you when you get here."

"Okay, see you later."

Lena ends the line, and shortly after Andrea shoots Kara a message to meet her at National City park later on tonight. Kara thought it was a weird place, but Andrea thought it was perfect. She had no electronic connections to Leviathan there.

In less than ten minutes, Kara arrives to L-Corp and enters Lena's office through the balcony _again_. She was excited to work with Lena again, and this time everything is almost off of their chests. Plus, Lena wasn't the only one thinking about that kiss. Kara had wished that it lasted longer and that it was in a different setting because it was supposed to be special. Maybe it didn't feel that way because it happened at the wrong time. They're fighting, kissing doesn't feel the same when something still needs to be aired out.

For next the fifteen minutes, Kara fights with her thoughts and unexplored feelings for her best friend as she continues research on Leviathan even though she knows it's useless on her laptop. Three more minutes passes by and some lady brings up Big Belly Burger. Kara was ready to eat, but she'd concluded that it would be nice to wait for Lena.

_**Andrea** : You can't tell Lena about this. **3:41pm**_

_**Kara** : Why not? They're after her, she deserves to know. **3:42pm**_

_**Andrea** : You'll understand later. Just don't say anything. Trust me. **3:42pm**_

There can't be anymore secrets between them, Kara understands that. She doesn't want to keep any more secrets either. Especially if they're supposed to be working on this case together. But, if she wanted to help Andrea and protect Lena this is the only way.

_**Kara** : Fine, but no more dead leads. If we're going to be working together you have to believe that I can help you. **3:43pm**_

After that, Kara's phone is silent of notifications and she thinks back to the fortress. She knows that this isn't the same, but every bone in her body is telling her that this is a form of betrayal. Andrea doesn't have to know that Lena knows...right? The topic makes her nervous, but she can't settle into the bad feeling when the door opens. The smell of pizza and potstickers rushes into the office; Kara's nervousness has suddenly vanished, and she stands up from the white couch and hurries over to relieve Lena of hot food boxes.

"Thank you." Lena says. "I went to the DEO earlier to see Alex."

"Yeah? How'd that go?"

"Just as you'd imagine." The brunette makes her way over to her desk where she sits her purse. "But I think I might've gotten through to her a little. She agreed to work with me on a few things, and we straightened out the VR situation. Brainy still has nothing on Leviathan, so we're stuck on that right now." She places her coat on the back of the chair before sitting down. "How are we supposed to move forward if their magic is beating our technology?"

Kara sighs as she places the pizza down onto the glass table and sits down on the white couch, not quite sure how to answer the question. This was her chance to come clean about her alliance with Andrea.

"I'm sure that Andrea has some ideas." The blonde suggests with a shrug as she opens one of the hot boxes. "I think it's good that we have an inside woman."

"Please," Lena scoffs, "I haven't been able to get a word out of her since she showed up. She's just as shady as they are. Didn't she give you a dead lead on Margot?"

With that, Kara bites into her slice of pizza. "Yeah, but for a good reason. If Leviathan finds out that she said anything they'll most likely kill her, so I understand why she's been being so vague."

There's something far too odd about that statement. Lena knows how much Kara can't stand Andrea, so it was definitely something. She wasn't sure if she should question Kara more about Andrea's motives since it seems like they're partnership seems extensive. Their eyes were yet to meet, but that was only because of the one thing that could get between them.

"Okay," the brunette nods before proceeding, "do you believe her?"

Kara uses this moment to finish a slice of pizza as she thinks about her answer.

"To some extent," she says, "but this alliance is mostly built on hope. Even if she's working with them, I'm sure we can bring her back into the light."

"How do you know she was ever there?" Lena asks with smirk on her face. She's always known how hopeful Kara was, but seeing it in action was always different. It was one of the things that she loved most about her favorite person.

"You said you loved her." Kara says casually. "I know you think that you love the wrong people, but I just think they take you for granted..." the blonde pauses, the thought of joining Lena at the desk still hasn't crossed her mind. It seemed that the distance helped her concentrate on the words that she was going to say. "I don't think that Alex is ever going to understand that I took you for granted because she doesn't love you the way I do." Finally, blue and green eyes meet. "I took you for granted, Lena, and I didn't realize that until I lost you. Andrea feels the same way...I believe her because I'd do anything to get you back too."

Lena can't seem to find the appropriate words to say. Somehow the only thing that her tongue could even grasp was _Kara_. An awkward silence grows between them, but the thoughts were loud. This was new for them, and they both knew that it was going to take some time to get used to. Not to mention Alex, who has been thinking about Lena's feelings all day. They had arguments before, but never like the ones that they've had lately. Something was changing, and there was no way around it so the only thing left to do is accept it.

When Kara proceeds to break the silence, her ringing phone interrupts. She apologizes under her breath as she retrieves the phone from her pocket and quickly answers Alex's call.

" _Hey_." The red head sighs into the phone. Her voice is low, and there seems to be an unavoidable silence.

"Woah, you sound like you need ice cream." Kara says. "Are you okay?"

" _Ice cream sounds awesome, but right now I just need Supergirl to get down to the DEO. We have a huge problem_."

She nods uselessly. "Okay. I'll be there in a second."The line ends just as Kara stand up from the couch. "That was Alex," she looks over to Lena, "they need Supergirl at the DEO."

"Is everything okay?" Lena lifts her phone from the desk and noticed that there were four unread messages about one of the cases they're working on. "Never mind, she texted me." She says. "I have to meet with my secretary first, so I'll arrange a ride. See you there."

With that, Kara gathers her things and Lena is suddenly left alone in her office. This was a huge case, and now that Supergirl was going to be in the know things were going to get faster. Which meant that Lena needed to change her pace too. It was the only way that her plan would work.

"Hope?" Lena's heels click onto the concrete as she exits L-Corp only seven minutes after Kara. "How far along are we with accessibility? Now that the DEO knows about the fail safe, they're going to move fast to patch it and it's only going to give Leviathan another reason to strike again." She says into the phone as she makes her way into the passenger seat of her car.

"Without Myriad, there's a sixty-two percent delay. That's approximately four days later than what we anticipated. Not to mention, it won't work." Hope responds.

 _Damnit_ Lena thinks to herself. She didn't leave Myriad in the lab, but she wonders if Alex's team raided had her office too.

"Okay, check the safe in my office and let me know what you find. If it's not there then it's most likely in Alex's possession. I'll get it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter By @SuperCorpComics


End file.
